I hope this is the last time

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
I hope this is the last time
32
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 10:20pm

In January I came back to say that I decided I was mad enough to end my A of fifteen years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 11:50pm

Hi buddy,


Big hugs to you. Your xAP certainly is a piece of work. I think he liked seeing you squirm. I also think he liked putting himself in your line of sight. He might have wanted to end things but I think maybe he enjoyed the tease and got some kind of sick pleasure out of it.


Do you have a plan of action to avoid him? If he just shows up, then leave or go to another part of your house, take the kids somewhere, have a headache (!!), anything to avoid being around him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 4:14am

thank you bandk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 4:47am

Hello Buddy,

First things first....stop beating yourself up, and start being kind to YOU! You come first now, and xap isn't even on the list!

Keep coming back HERE and not THERE....keep reading as there is so much to learn regardless of what stage of recovery you're in. We've all ruminated so much, we could write a book, so give yourself maybe 10 minutes a day to do just that, and then stop yourself and do something that is productive and meaningful to you. Xap is not in the equation!

Many hugs to you and no, you don't need a slap...

Believe in yourself so everyone will too!

Mish

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 4:56am
Thank you, Mishaii.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 9:29am
Fifteen years? and right under your H nose? It really is time to do some soul searching.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 9:57am
yes, under his nose.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 10:09am

buddy, I'm thinking the same thing as why ask why, 15 years, wow. And during that time, this JAM only told you he loved you 3 times? And then he tried to take it back. (am I getting that right?) I'm sure you are asking yourself what was I to him. And of course, why you allowed yourself to be in that situation for so long. What did he offer you buddy? Other than affair addiction, do you know why you stayed so long? I'm curious because it seems so perplexing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 10:27am

Dear Bandk,


his wife and i share other friends who will tell her where i am even if i don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 10:36am

Hi - This is my first post in response to a non-work related A because I was totally blown away at the audacity of your XMM. This man fits the description of a classic jerk - you see that don’t you? Gosh I can totally relate to the pain and emotional anguish you must be going through now, but girl it is imperative that you start taking action to throw this a**h*** out of your life. I can’t believe your XMM has the nerve to just drop in on your house daily under the circumstances and act buddy buddy with your H ! He is not only disrespecting you, but is blatantly mocking the sanctity of your family and marriage IMHO. He is not your friend and how dare he even consider himself worthy of even coming near your H - the guy has no conscience. I don’t even know you and I am getting mad for you. Having said this, I can also understand the predicament you are in being that XMM has been a close family and social friend, but for your own dignity and self-respect, you have gotta take action to distance yourself and your family from this JAM. If I were in your shoes, I would tell XMM to stop dropping by our house by himself and then use your influence on your H to steer him away from the so-called "friendship" with this JAM. Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 10:40am

you wrote..."I hope this helps someone to not keep going back when your gut tells you it is over.

~ life....

http://nomoreblues.wordpress.com/

Oh just leave me just get out of my head
'Cause I can't ta

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