This is a good place to vent. Any one of us MW could be standing in your shoes right now. We risk so much and take so much for granted when we are in our As. The things we did for what was sometimes only a few fleeting moments of satisfaction makes us all shake our heads and ask why we did it?
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I agree you need to figure out what you got out of it and that can help you to figure out why you chose xAP to have an A with and what was going on inside you to have an A. Remember problems in a M alone do not lead you down the A road. It is very likely something was happening inside you Kmg.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
15 days NC...youre doing great. Coming here is a safe way to vent about all of this.
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I did the same thing. I kept telling myself that I was leaving my H for me and our issues in the M. After XAP left, I didnt know which was up. I mean there I was planning out my life,making changes, H moved out....full steam ahead. Then all of the sudden, I was left with nothing.No H and no XAP. I took alittle over 6 weeks before I asked H to move back in.(he was out of the house for just about 6 months). During that time, 6 weeks all alone I 1st had to pick myself up off the floor then really had to examine the reasons why H was gone and if it was something that I wanted. I cant say I knew the answer 100% before H moved back in but I had come to realize that my M did/does matter. So H and I started there. And in all reality I wasnt doing it for me, I was doing it for XAP because I wanted the fantasy to be my reality.
Things are going OK with H and I.The point Im trying to make is that instead of looking at this as a negative thing, maybe this is the time that is being given to you to think about what does really matter and who knows what will happen then.If I wasnt given the time alone may be on a different raod than the healing one. If youre finding the need to reach out to your H for whatever reason then I would look at that as something positive.
I did this too. I convinced myself that I didn't want my M anymore, but it was only because of xap. I moved out of my house, into a friend's vacant apartment- the entire time pining away for xap, hoping he'd come to my rescue. He didn't... hello? That should have been the nail in the coffin, but I kept holding on. It wasn't till I hit rock bottom and ended my A that I was able to see what I had thrown away in my M. I am one of the lucky ones, who after 3 DDays still has a lovely and adoring DH. We've discussed the A as much as he's wanted to and we are now in MC to work it all out- to get to the root of our issues.
All that being said, KMG, do you want to be with your H or is it over? Everyone always says to not make any drastic decisions about your M for 3-6 months after an A. I know the fog is clouding you right now- and this is when you need to focus on yourself- rebuild yourself- learn to trust yourself again (I really struggled with this- if I could be so destructive to myself, how could I ever trust myself again?) I had to plug back into reality.
I am sorry you are hurting. I am sorry you are mad. I hate being mad. It eats me up, but I have certainly felt my fair share. Just remember, you may feel alone, but you are not, because you have your EAS community and we are hear to listen and support.
kmg--I hear your rage and pain.
Hi Kmg,
This is a good place to vent. Any one of us MW could be standing in your shoes right now. We risk so much and take so much for granted when we are in our As. The things we did for what was sometimes only a few fleeting moments of satisfaction makes us all shake our heads and ask why we did it?
<>
I agree you need to figure out what you got out of it and that can help you to figure out why you chose xAP to have an A with and what was going on inside you to have an A. Remember problems in a M alone do not lead you down the A road. It is very likely something was happening inside you Kmg.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hugs kmg6,
15 days NC...youre doing great. Coming here is a safe way to vent about all of this.
<>>
I did the same thing. I kept telling myself that I was leaving my H for me and our issues in the M. After XAP left, I didnt know which was up. I mean there I was planning out my life,making changes, H moved out....full steam ahead. Then all of the sudden, I was left with nothing.No H and no XAP. I took alittle over 6 weeks before I asked H to move back in.(he was out of the house for just about 6 months). During that time, 6 weeks all alone I 1st had to pick myself up off the floor then really had to examine the reasons why H was gone and if it was something that I wanted. I cant say I knew the answer 100% before H moved back in but I had come to realize that my M did/does matter. So H and I started there. And in all reality I wasnt doing it for me, I was doing it for XAP because I wanted the fantasy to be my reality.
Things are going OK with H and I.The point Im trying to make is that instead of looking at this as a negative thing, maybe this is the time that is being given to you to think about what does really matter and who knows what will happen then.If I wasnt given the time alone may be on a different raod than the healing one. If youre finding the need to reach out to your H for whatever reason then I would look at that as something positive.
DM
Hi KMG-
<>>
I did this too. I convinced myself that I didn't want my M anymore, but it was only because of xap. I moved out of my house, into a friend's vacant apartment- the entire time pining away for xap, hoping he'd come to my rescue. He didn't... hello? That should have been the nail in the coffin, but I kept holding on. It wasn't till I hit rock bottom and ended my A that I was able to see what I had thrown away in my M. I am one of the lucky ones, who after 3 DDays still has a lovely and adoring DH. We've discussed the A as much as he's wanted to and we are now in MC to work it all out- to get to the root of our issues.
All that being said, KMG, do you want to be with your H or is it over? Everyone always says to not make any drastic decisions about your M for 3-6 months after an A. I know the fog is clouding you right now- and this is when you need to focus on yourself- rebuild yourself- learn to trust yourself again (I really struggled with this- if I could be so destructive to myself, how could I ever trust myself again?) I had to plug back into reality.
I am sorry you are hurting. I am sorry you are mad. I hate being mad. It eats me up, but I have certainly felt my fair share. Just remember, you may feel alone, but you are not, because you have your EAS community and we are hear to listen and support.
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
I just want to thank all of you for responding.
kmg,