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| Wed, 03-17-2010 - 11:03am |
Ok Enders need some advice.
At what point do you take NC to the next level. XAP has been calling me and leaving messages on my machine(no I cant block his #) Ive listened to the messages and its about how he just wants to be friends and if I could just talk to him.
Part of this is my fault because I did break NC with him and then came to my senses and cut him off.Poir to that he had a pattern of calling me around the 6 week mark of NC. Of course it was always around the time where I felt like I was moving on, feeling happy about myself and my life, my M. He would contact,even though I didnt answer back I felt like he would take me right back to square one.
Emailing him and telling him to not contact me is getting exactly what he wants from me..the attention, the thought, the thrill.
I have been thinking about contacting his 1st Sgt. and reporting him for harassment. I dont know what good if any it will do.
DM
Any ideas or thoughts? aside from changing my number...if I was to do that I dont know how I could spin that off to H.

I personally would not go as far as report him, but of course it's up to you. Remember, you don't have to listen to his messages. Just ignore him. I can't block my x either - but after I ignored a couple of calls and texts (which never happened before) he got the message and left me alone.
XOXO
Gone
First of all, dear DM, why are you listening to the messages on your machine? DELETE them immediately because listening to them is breaking NC on your end, KWIM? As soon as you hear his voice hit the delete key, unless you already know it's going to be him from caller ID, you can delete before listening at all.
How about getting a private listing for your phone number? Talk to your H and tell him that you've been getting too many mis-dials and hang-ups, and you want to change the number. Hopefully he would understand
Reporting him for harassment to his 1st Sergeant could up stir a hornet's nest. If he's the revenful type, you could be asking for trouble. You don't want to do that. Just ignore his calls and eventually he will get tired of the rejection. If not, then we'll have to rethink this. ;-)
(((Hugs)))
~Iddy~
I am not going to break NC. Im through with him and his games which is why I was thinking about reporting him. To give him that final reminder of how serious I am about wanting to be left alone.
Iddy- youre right and I knew I would hear something from the vets about listening to the messages. I did twice and since then Ive just deleted them since.
I just want this cycle of him to stop. He has a pattern, and Im doing my best to ignore him. I do realize that by reporting him that that is opening the door just a crack....and its enough for him to retaliate.
I dont want to lie to my H about changing our #...but the more I think about it I think thats exactly what Im going to have to do(change my #). Im trying to rebuild my M , and lying isnt a stone I want to make our foundation out of. H knows XAP and knows his number....I think Im just going to have to tell H this man(XAP) wont stop calling me. That might be opening the door to something else as well.
Someone else asked if I was in the service as well. I am not. I do have all of his military contact information from when he was deployed-I havent destroyed any of that for the sole purpose of in the event of needing to report him.
Thanks for your support and advice enders.
DM
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dm,
There isn't a next level to NC! It is what it is, and you either stay firm with NC, with no contact for whatever reason,which means not listening to voicemails, or you don't!
If you can't change your number or block it, then possibly turn it off during the times of the day that xap would normally call, as he probably has a pattern (most do). I leave my phone turned on for only a specified time period during the day and turn it off completely at night as I don't want calls coming in unless I know who is calling and I'm free to talk. However, I do leave my cell on vibrate most of the time, but yet turn it on quiet when sleeping.
All of the above might sound extreme, but in this high tech world, I have found that boundaries have to be set even for myself, or nothing would get accomplished. I used to answer the phone or jump to do so like everyone else, but found that it was all too much and if something was so important, a message could be left, which I suppose would be considered screening, and why not? So be it, as it does add quality to life, and especially if, in your case, xap is not allowing that for you.
I do hope you find a way to resolve the issue and stay NC.
NC = No New Hurts
Hugs,
Mish