I could relate to your post (: I'm only about 3 months out but I feel so impatient too. I want to do the same--enjoy a glass of wine without it making me all melancholy, listen to my ipod again, not be "triggered" by the airport for pete's sake! The list goes on. I wish there was a way to just clear the mind of all of those memories.
I myself am contemplating trying some EMDR therapy--my T suggested it as a way to rid the mind of some lasting trauma (that means A stuff for us)...I dunno, but I'm willing to try.
One of the guys in my addiction support group is two years out from his A and still has "flashbacks" and things like this. I'm with you in the impatience department (:
I suspect the answer has more to do with healing those parts of ourselves that internally have caused these struggles--the deeper we dig, the more we will find ways to become functional adults again. I suppose the memories will always remain--but the triggers will fade.
Hugs to you and congratulations on your recovery !
LL, Awww, the memories. I don't want any part of those either. Let me know how the T goes with (emdr)? I'd be willing to do anything to rid myself of the memories.
Not that I have any experience with indifference, try as I might (4 months NC). I read a post by a vet months and months ago where she described the day she realized she had
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
E1, thank you for taking the time to find that post. It isn't the exact one I read, that one was much older, but it is essentially the same. Only the people and places are difference, the experience remains the same and one that I'm just soooooooooooo looking forward to (did I emphasize that enough? lol), like so many others here. MB
<< My question is, "how do I know when I am at indifference? What are some of the telltale signs?">>
Indifference for me was when "it" didn't matter one way or the other! Meaning, whatever xap said or did, no longer had me getting excited nor did it make me mad, and prior to that, I always felt something.
Indifference takes a long time unless you're in NC for the long term. One can't be going back and forth in and out of NC, or the emotions will go with you, and indifference will take its sweet time arriving on your doorstep.
Remember the A, in my opinion, is an addiction, a habit, and it takes time to change habits or rid ourselves of addictions that hold us hostage. It will happen in its own time, and wondering or worrying when it will occur is a waste of time.
Coming out of the fog and knowing you've actually been in the fog, will give you a hint that indifference is just around the corner.
I won't say be patient, as we know that seems almost impossible in the beginning of the END, but being easy on yourself will feel much better.
The first thing you must understand is that it takes a while. For me, a very L-O-N-G while because of our daily contact, but alas, it did happen. When? Beats me. All I know is his voice started sounded robotic, or better yet, just white noise. It went in one ear and out the other. Nothing between my ears reacted to it. ((Shrug)) Yeah, that was it. I shrugged a lot. Problem was, I had to listen sometimes or my job would have been at stake. ;-)
Indifference is when love and hate cancel each other out. You feel nothing anymore toward XAP. If someone mentions his name, you feel
actingasif,
I could relate to your post (: I'm only about 3 months out but I feel so impatient too. I want to do the same--enjoy a glass of wine without it making me all melancholy, listen to my ipod again, not be "triggered" by the airport for pete's sake! The list goes on. I wish there was a way to just clear the mind of all of those memories.
I myself am contemplating trying some EMDR therapy--my T suggested it as a way to rid the mind of some lasting trauma (that means A stuff for us)...I dunno, but I'm willing to try.
One of the guys in my addiction support group is two years out from his A and still has "flashbacks" and things like this. I'm with you in the impatience department (:
I suspect the answer has more to do with healing those parts of ourselves that internally have caused these struggles--the deeper we dig, the more we will find ways to become functional adults again. I suppose the memories will always remain--but the triggers will fade.
Hugs to you and congratulations on your recovery !
LL
Not that I have any experience with indifference, try as I might (4 months NC). I read a post by a vet months and months ago where she described the day she realized she had
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
<< My question is, "how do I know when I am at indifference? What are some of the telltale signs?">>
Indifference for me was when "it" didn't matter one way or the other! Meaning, whatever xap said or did, no longer had me getting excited nor did it make me mad, and prior to that, I always felt something.
Indifference takes a long time unless you're in NC for the long term. One can't be going back and forth in and out of NC, or the emotions will go with you, and indifference will take its sweet time arriving on your doorstep.
Remember the A, in my opinion, is an addiction, a habit, and it takes time to change habits or rid ourselves of addictions that hold us hostage. It will happen in its own time, and wondering or worrying when it will occur is a waste of time.
Coming out of the fog and knowing you've actually been in the fog, will give you a hint that indifference is just around the corner.
I won't say be patient, as we know that seems almost impossible in the beginning of the END, but being easy on yourself will feel much better.
Hugs,
Mish
The first thing you must understand is that it takes a while. For me, a very L-O-N-G while because of our daily contact, but alas, it did happen. When? Beats me. All I know is his voice started sounded robotic, or better yet, just white noise. It went in one ear and out the other. Nothing between my ears reacted to it. ((Shrug)) Yeah, that was it. I shrugged a lot. Problem was, I had to listen sometimes or my job would have been at stake. ;-)
Indifference is when love and hate cancel each other out. You feel nothing anymore toward XAP. If someone mentions his name, you feel
~Iddy~