Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Question
4
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 7:57pm

Here is a question for all of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
In reply to: kmg6
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 8:26pm
Kmg6,
Have you two gone to MC? I don't know what your relationship was like with your husband before the A, but if you loved each other before the A,then IMHO, I feel that the marriage is worth trying to save. It wasn't until I was out of the fog that I could see just how much I stood to lose if I didn't break free from my xap. The longer I continued with NC the more I could see my H for the awesome man that he is, and the more I could see that xap was really JAM that was willing to stroke my ego. Did you guys have a DD? We did not. However, my H knew I wasn't happy. He was willing to do what it took. It's amazing to me when I read my earlier posts and how disgusted I was with my H's looks because I was constantly comparing him with xap. Slowly but surely I started to see the man I married 28 years ago. He never went anywhere, I was just all fogged in. If I were you I would try to save your M, especially if your H is willing as well.
Hugs, AAI
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: kmg6
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 8:55pm

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IMHO, if you really feel that way, then you may not be ready to start working on your marriage just yet. I understand your feelings of loss and emptiness right now and what you believe is your re-establishing

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: kmg6
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 9:19am

Wow KMG, I struggled with this same question at the end of my A and the first few weeks of NC. I think my answer came when I realized that I was now making decisions for our future. For so long, I postponed anything that had to do with my H and I being together for the long haul... example: he wanted to buy a new mattress and in my mind, while I was think in the fog, I resisted because deep down I didn't want to spend money on a mattress that I might not be using. That is a simply example, but I think it illustrates my confusion in terms of where my M was headed.

Once I went NC and read the healing library here over and over... and sorted my thoughts out and started MC with my H, things started to change. Now, when I look to the future, I do see my H and I together for the long haul. I have started to make plans to solidify that desire... at first maybe it was a "fake it till you make it" mentality, but today, I can say quite clearly that I love and adore my H. Losing him would mean the end of the world. When I realized that my whole world was once again invested in us, everything seemed to fall into place. For me, it's not about filling the hole that xap left... xap filled the hole in my M. Now that I know that, my H and I are working to correct the "issues" that caused us to drift apart. We are on the same team again and that is exhilarating and comforting.

Jane
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
In reply to: kmg6
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 10:07am