When an affair ends badly

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
When an affair ends badly
2
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 10:49pm

Hi all,

Last month, I severed all contact with my ex-boyfriend. On Valentine’s Day weekend, he had called me and demanded to have intercourse. For starters, he wanted me “to wear a mini skirt.” Furthermore, he did not “want to use a condom, and preferred that the sex was rough.” He stated that he felt “entitled to sex with me” and thought that I “owed it to him as a belated, birthday present.” Disgusted, given that I had suffered a sexual assault in college, I declined my ex’s insensitive offer to participate in his rape fantasy.

Subsequently, I sent him several text messages saying that I had been offended by his crass overture. I informed him that I expected an apology. In addition, I sent him an article about Lent because he is Catholic and requested that he stop thinking impure thoughts about me because I am a married woman.

The following day, I received a call from a woman using my ex’s cell phone. She claimed to be his current girlfriend. When I mentioned to her that my ex did not act like he had a significant other when he propositioned me for sex, she admonished me to watch myself. Subsequently, I changed my cell phone number with my provider.

A week later, my husband and I had a chance encounter with my ex at an intersection. My ex decided to follow us in his vehicle. A mini chase then ensued. We were being pursued through a parking lot and several random turns, until my husband executed an u-turn near a mall. I thought we were going to get involved in a motor vehicle accident. My ex was aware that I had been involved in an auto accident at the end of December, which might require surgery. The incident has been reported to the police and they are documenting it for their records. My ex has been notified in writing that a restraining order will be obtained if he attempts to follow my vehicle again, visit my home or contact me for any reason. Did I mention that my ex is a politician?

Last fall, I had two meetings with my ex after receiving a letter from my husband in which he was contemplating obtaining a divorce. I have suffered from numerous ailments for the four years that we have been married which have required extensive medical treatment. My husband expressed his frustration and his resentment of tending to a sick spouse. At the time, I sought solace from my ex-boyfriend who I have not dated in eight years.

During my two interactions with my ex, we did not have sex. Basically, we acted like two teenagers. We engaged in French kissing and he groped me. However, I refused to have intercourse with him because I knew that would be crossing a point of no return. In addition, my husband has had a vasectomy and I am not on any form of birth control due to multiple allergies so a pregnancy would be attributed to an affair.

Recently, I was candid with my husband about what transpired with my ex last fall. He acknowledged that he wanted to hurt me and had been angry with me when he had given me that letter. Although I did exercise poor judgment in agreeing to meet with my ex on those two occasions, my husband was relieved that I did not succumb to the ultimate temptation by having extramarital sex with my ex.

Right now, my husband is concerned for my safety. I may need to have my neck operated on this spring. My ex only lives 15 minutes away from our residence. We have installed a deadbolt and peephole on our door. Our neighbors have been alerted to the situation. Has anyone encountered an ex who has gone psycho after a relationship has ended? Any tips or advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Belle

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 7:29am

(((belle)))


You did the right thing by reporting the "chase" incident. Has there been any stalking since? I am so sorry you got involved with a crazy person, but hopefully that will be the end of it. If phone numbers have been changed, emails blocked, and total NC in place, all you can hope for is that this goes away. I have been on this board for 5 years and there have only been a couple incidences where the XAP was out of control. In all cases the H had to be told so they could both stand united against these predators. I've never heard of anyone actually getting physically hurt but then again, how would we know?


Hang in there. You made a mistake and it turns out the price was a big one, but I think you are handling it well.

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 1:49pm

Hi Iddy,

Thank you for your kind words. Right now, I feel like I have been abandoned by two individuals who I thought were close friends. They seem to be of the opinion that I deserve what is happening to me because I became involved in an affair. We all make mistakes. Why do people have to be so judgmental? I apologized to my husband for my behavior but did not think that I needed to atone with others.

Belle