Now I'm really ready to heal
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Now I'm really ready to heal
| Fri, 03-19-2010 - 7:34am |
I hope not to disappoint anyone but I feel I need to confess that after nearly three weeks NC, I did have a short conversation with xap yesterday morning. I am so glad to have closed the door now.
So much of my turmoil, sadness and angst was coming from the fact that we didn't have an ending. We just quit communicating. I was torturing myself with wondering why he hadn't emailed and I was too stubborn to email him first. So, to protect myself, I declared in my mind and on this board that the A was over and I was NC.

Well I think you need your fingers cracked*taps her foot and gives you the eye balls*
But I get why you did it.Closure. So now that today is a new day and youve officially ended it...what about deleting his email addy? What about when he emails you back? calls you? Cause he will,its all part of the game.So that being said, get your head into the game plan. Protect yourself from those moments of weakness that are bound to come up again.
Day 1 of NC again- just dont forget all what youve already learned in the 1st couple weeks thats lead you back to NC 1.
Youll have your wings in no time alwayst.
DM
Hi Always-
I understand why you felt you needed to do that. I felt the need for closure so many times after ending it in the past. Someone once told me that there's no such thing as closure in these situations, but I think that closure is different for everyone. If this will truly help you shut the door, then we cannot fault you for that. I hope this does help you be resolved to remain NC from here on out. Sometimes we do need "goodbye" and I get it. I am thinking of you today.
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Ouch, DM. My knuckles hurt now!! LOL. Yes, I will delete him from my email. I already have deleted him from my phone. I can't fully explain the liberation I now feel. This morning I feel like a new person. And I feel a flood of love for my H. This past six months have been horrible with H and I was pretty sure I wanted a divorce (and he couldn't understand why). I was MAKING my M miserable to justify what I was doing. I can plainly see that now. Don't get me wrong, we have a lot of work to do to get our M back on a healthy track; it's been unhealthy for the past five years. But I am fully vested in doing what it takes to mend our RL R!!
I indeed have learned so much here. I couldn't be more grateful to everyone who has shared their experiences. I will continue to come here for support and strength. But I am going to be okay, and I fully acknowledge that
Jane, I do tick a little differently than the "normal" person--always have. So this closure was necessary for me. I am resolved. Thank you so much for your thoughts today. It means a lot to me. Please keep up the blogging. I love it.
~alwayst
The day I ended my A, I could have written this word for word: <>
It has been stated here before, but after we make the move to end the A, we do feel a flood of empowerment... and a flood of love for our H. And I know you know this, but don't become too confident. I am 7 weeks NC this week and I am still very guarded. I felt so good the first week. So proud. So strong. But that was soon followed by weeks of ups and downs. I kept coming back here, which I know you will too, and that has made all the difference.
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane, I just read your response to KM's question about whether her feelings for H were real or just covering her lonliness. I am so glad you and H are working things out and you are addressing issues in the M that led you to feel certain ways and led you into the A. I have been going to IC for two months and H just started IC last week. He will go for another 3 weeks and then we will start MC. We have been together for 27 years and we were
It does sound like going backwards - why to break NC in order to say you want NC? - but you know what's best for you in order to start moving on. It doesn't really matter how it ended as long as it ended, so make sure not to start exchanging emails discussing it.
XOXO
Gone