i don't even know where to begin...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
i don't even know where to begin...
11
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 12:33pm

i am not doing well right now.. i am on day 10NC from my 4 year affair with xmm.. i had a bad night last night because i found that i could see some of his facebook account from my account and could read what he was writing.. stuff about wanting to go on fishing picnic alone with his wife.. sounds dumb, but it hurt because that was what me & him used to do and i was very upset at myself for looking and upset that i was upset over what i read... how do i stay away ? seemed like it would have been okay.. but i was not okay seeing that he had moved on...


then this morning i was writing.. i started a blog.. ( http://nomoreblues.wordpress.com/

~ life....

http://nomoreblues.wordpress.com/

Oh just leave me just get out of my head
'Cause I can't ta

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 1:05pm

Oh Honey- I am so sorry that happened. Wow. Sounds like a real smack in the face. I've already told you how I feel about looking at his facebook... you know that only picks picks picks away at your scab.

I'd suggest you delete your current secret account and open a new one. You can link your blog to a new account... and it too can be secret if you need it to be since you have not had a DDay... but you should rid your life of connections to J. (And I'd say rid your life of secrets, but I understand your need for anonymity with the blog).

As far as him telling his W... that is his RL to handle, right? My H knows everything that happened in my A and read emails that went back and forth between xap and myself. Now that I am working on my M, it is full disclosure with my H. Sounds like your xap is doing the same thing. And that is ok. He was hers before he was yours... and really, you know he was never yours. So of course he's going to work on things with her and in his own way. And of course you are going to be thrown under the bus. We already know he's a jerk.

As far as his W telling your H, I wouldn't worry about it. She is dealing with her M right now. She may be mad, but give her the benefit of the doubt right now and try not to worry about things that you cannot control. That will drive you batty.

We are here for you. Hang in there! There are brighter days ahead.

Jane
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 2:28pm

Hi lifeisgood :)


I'm with Jane on this one...delete delete delete.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 2:33pm

WOO HOO!!! Clarity is BACK!!!!!!


Missed YOU Much!!

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 2:59pm
I agree with the other ladies - good to see you Withclarity :) - block and walk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 3:02pm

Thank you for making me feel missed :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 3:11pm

I

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 3:13pm

Why can't you get over that he is finally being totally honest with his W. If he is trying to rebuild his M he has every obligation to finally start being honest with the woman he M. Sadly, he really doesn't owe you anything.


that was definately her not him… but from HIS account.. all that stuff we wrote was between US… i am sick.. i am sure he only kept the ones that made HIM look good and me look like the needy bitchy one…


All of the stuff you wrote is about their M and she deserves to know the truth about the man she is M to. What he has with his W is his real life. What he had with you was all fantasy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 10:33am

thank you thank you thank you....


all what i needed to hear!


i guess i was just freaking out that xmm's wife was going to use the emails against me... but i guess if she was going to she would have already.. and she hasn't so i am breathing a little better today...


i have been told before, a few times actually, (mostly by xmm) that i react out of my immediate feelings at that moment instead of what i know to be true... and often forget to even take a breath first, let alone breath and process before reacting... (often gets me in trouble.. and i know better!) and i know

~ life....

http://nomoreblues.wordpress.com/

Oh just leave me just get out of my head
'Cause I can't ta

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 11:04am

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm just figuring out what my goals are and where I am in my situation. While I have known instinctively to have NC since D Day Jan 7, it has been hard and I cannot help but keep an eye out for any communication from my AP (or XAP I guess I'm supposed to call him).

This is just me: I used the email account that I had set up for him for this now! And all of you have been very supportive and great. So I can check that email account now with a positive feeling instead of confirming that negative: that he is not communicating with me.

I'm still not even sure which message board I belong on (MAS, EAS, AAS).

I also had an intense FB meldtown a few weeks ago, which simply showed me that any contact had only negative reverb. You might laugh: I didn't know how the blocking feature worked, and thought that might be a good approach. Well, I sure did do that blocking and un-friended him! Just as well, as all of you know!

One last thought: you could block his email on your 'hidden' account if you want to keep it open for other reasons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 11:35am

yes, i am going to block his email address on the account. i also used the same account for this and a couple other 'healing' things ( i started journaling online in a blog and found some online things that update in my email).. and i don't want to close the account..... and i am not up for deleting the emails from him, they are also in my 'secret' email account.... but i am not up to read them... and maybe i never will..who knows.. but i am not reading them today!


thankfully he was never on my fb.... but yes, unfriending him is definately a good move~


nc since january 7...that's great...yes, i would think you could call him your xap? ...


i too am very thankful for finding this board and reading the posts..

~ life....

http://nomoreblues.wordpress.com/

Oh just leave me just get out of my head
'Cause I can't ta

Pages