moving on
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moving on
| Thu, 03-25-2010 - 3:16pm |
rejection is hard. it hurts. no one knows better than I how much. Most of my life has been spent trying to find where I fit in. Money, clothes, kids, stuff, job, who I know, etc. Always seems like I was trying for something I shouldn't have aimed for.
I knew he was married when we met. It was not my intention to actually ever see him again. For me it was a one night stand that I thought afterwards - wow that was stupid.
before I

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*patting down goosebump*.
You sound like a great addition to this board. Big hugs and warm welcome.
XOXO
Gone
thanks everyone.
this stuff has been inside me for so long - the doubts and fears
it is such a weight off my shoulders to actually say it. To admit it all, the lies, the doubt, the obsession. yeah I feel a little better - I did feel a brief pang when I voiced some of those things, lingering 'loyalty' if you will. I know it will be a rollercoaster (and hands waving if you please!)
accepting the loss of the fantasy will be my hardest thing. Ours was such that our contact could go weeks without. And I'd begin to clear out of my fog and start to think clearly and then - poof! - we'd talk or see each other and it'd start all over.
So - accepting that he is not who he is in my head will be my battle. Because we all have stress in our lives and he was my happy place.
Sadly for me my imagination superceeds my paranoia :)
I know I need to keep busy (obviously work is NOT working...lol) so I hope school is something that will work out for me, and to not think how he feels but to think he doesn't exist.
too bad I can't think ill of people without feeling bad....it would be rather helpful on days like these... good thing I am fluent in sarcasm and all the voices in my head think I'm funny... :)
Chocolat -
Just want to say
good job! this board surely needs more like you..
here is a thought.. you consider the end of the A as a loss.. sometimes, try looking at it as a cherished addition to your life experience that ran its course.. you are such the wiser, the better for the experience.. you have lived an experience that many don't, or when they do, do not have the courage and strength to end up where you are at.. yes there is/was a price, but i'd like to think the price you paid/are paying, for your case, is worth what you've acquired in self knowledge.. some things, unless experienced, can never be appreciated well.. you are at a point where you can say, with all the challenges, i learned and succeeded to be a better person than i started out.. there is a better you now, through your own personal efforts.. value that, cherish that, look to the future hoping, and to the past with a knowing smile.. and move on.. as you are..
Good job indeed!
--
I do try to look at it more positively. Some days are just easier than others. as we all know!
CM,
<<>
Very wise words coming from a newbie. You are right. Friendship is out of the question. It only leads back to that dark and twisted road you need to avoid at all costs. And no, there is no future, regardless of what spews from their mouths. Actions speak louder than the mutterings of A pillow talk. They will say anything to keep the cake coming. Affairs are lived in the moment, and that moment is over the minute one or the other returns to their significant other. All that space that's left in between meetings/talking is lived in our heads...and it grows so out of proportion to reality that we
~Iddy~
WOWOWOW! This is an amazing post that I needed to read. Full of such insight and wisdom.
Chocolat- Welcome to the board. :) I too am struggling with hurt and pain and rejection, but I am trying to lift myself out, and I am so glad you are here on this journey with me.
Nevereasy- WOW!!! What awesome words. I never thought about it like that- as something, as an experience, in my life that I can grow from. Thank you so much for that.
Iddy and Clarity- as always, such awesome words. :)
Hazel
Chocolat!!!! Am so beaming proud of you!!
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