YIKES! HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
YIKES! HELP!
8
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 6:02pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 6:13pm

Oh Alice-

I feel your paranoia. I think I may be sick to my stomach for you. Ok, so are you in NC right now... like no more messages going back and forth? Because if so, no "new" info can be discovered. DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

Now, sit back and try to relax. You don't know for sure that she was talking about your xap and his W. I've learned from my experience that there are many people involved in A's. Try not to worry about things you cannot control. Breathe in. I know this is all easier said than done. DDays are not fun- I've been through 3, but they can be overcome if it comes to that... but let's not go there. For now, do your best to find something else to occupy your mind and try not to obsess over this.

I wish I were there to take you out for a nice beer and a chat. You will get through this.

Hugs!

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 6:15pm

Hi Alice,

The other stronger and more experienced ladies will be here shortly, I am sure. I am sure that they will have advice, and much to say. Are you still in your A or are you NC? I couldn't tell from your post, but I am assuming NC?

Anyway- I have been in a situation like this. I started to panic. I called my therapist (who knew everything) and she gave me great advice. She said "Say nothing." Don't say anything to anyone. Don't do anything. Just stay calm, ride this out. The few times that I have had close calls, or that I panicked because I thought someone knew something, it all just worked itself out (thank God). It will pass. And if it doesn't -well, there's nothing you can do about that. Just wait and do nothing and see where it goes. The less you do, the better. I know it's tough and you are freaking out, but more than likely, you are working yourself up for no reason. Try to relax.

(Hugs)
Hazel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 7:28pm

Alice,


The advice to do NOTHING is correct, 100%. If the A is over you shouldn't have anything to worry about. You don't really know if it's XAP's W they were talking about or not, so play your cards close to your chest. Keep your nose clean, your eyes forward, and your mouth shut. ;-)


(((Hugs)))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 7:45pm
Oh, Alice. I know you are scared but please, listen to everyone's advice: DO NOT DO ANYTHING and by all means, DO NOT contact xap. Just ride this out and try not to panic. It could just be mindless gossip, or it could be someone else your friend was talking about and even if it is xap's wife, she may not have any proof at all...only a hunch. And yes, maybe xap has another mistress!! Doesn't matter because you are no longer having an affair and what's in the past is in the past and you can't change a dang thing about it. Just breathe, sip the wine slowly, trust your instincts and don't panic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 8:01pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 8:03pm

I have to agree with everyone else, do not contact him. You don't know for sure who she was talking about, and his cheating with you IS in the past, not in the present.

They all underestimate their wives. I remember asking my x does his wife know about me - he firmly denied, and I remember thinking what a fool he is. He comes home after drinking champagne with me, all his clothes saturated with my perfume...and she supposedly thinks he's home from work. Yeah, right. They all are such idiots. No wonder so many of them are getting caught, can't open a paper without reading about yet another sex scandal.

XOXO
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 8:49pm


Abso-freakin'-lutely and not at all!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 8:59pm

GBG,



Couldn't agree with you more! The guys are such dumba**es! I have kept the most detailed and intimate