I couldn't be totally honest
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I couldn't be totally honest
| Wed, 03-31-2010 - 12:47pm |
It's been 13 days NC for me, and I'm doing... okay.
| Wed, 03-31-2010 - 12:47pm |
It's been 13 days NC for me, and I'm doing... okay.
No, but my H has been in regular contact with xap's W.
You’re struggling with a very hard question in the midst of trying to rebuild your M. After my D-day I was honest with my H, he asked specific questions one being if there was IC and told him there was IC but at the time I told him I was not trying to rebuild. I believed my M was done and we were heading for D so there was no reason for me to withhold that information. You are in a different situation. Your H has made it clear that there will be no M to save if he finds out you did have IC. I can understand you not wanting to ante up that information as afterwards there is a good chance there would be no M to save.
I do however, encourage you to go and get tested. Ask for “all” the STD tests. Some they do through a check up and some through blood tests. You owe that to yourself and your H. You have been clear on more than one post here and elsewhere that there was IC. You didn’t mention the not knowing for sure if there was until this post. It is very common even once the A is ended to continue in the denial mindset. The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. Not saying it is one way or the other for you. I just want to caution you to be completely honest with yourself. You will need that to get through this.
I’m thankful you’ve come back to the board and shared that you did not tell your H about the IC.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hi Ajayceegirl-
I am at day 63 and those types of questions still run through my head, but ultimately I hush them because I know it doesn't matter... and I know that one day I will wake up and realize that those questions have stopped altogether... and then I will be healed.
Yes, my H has spoken to xap. After our first of 3 DDays, my H called xap and they had words. My H told xap to leave me alone or he'd be sorry. There was yelling... I don't know all the details of the conversation because I was not present, but I do know that if ever anyone hated someone else, my H hates my xap. I do know that xap told my H during our conversation that if H would treat me better, there wouldn't be a reason for her to turn to someone else. But back to my H's anger- he's so angry that just last night he said that if xap were standing in the road about to get hit by a car, not only would he NOT save him, but he'd walk over to make sure the car had gotten the job done. Whoa... that's some hatred, but I cannot blame him for that. I am just glad that he never directs that anger at me and has forgiven me for all of my indiscretions.
I have told my H everything about the A... and that is hard. But after 3 DDays, he deserved to know the truth so that he could determine if he was willing to forgive me and work on our M. There's nothing but honesty between us now, and that has resulted in a level of intimacy I have not known before. My H is my bedrock... he is my everything.
Thinking of you... I hope you are remaining strong in NC. It has amazing powers of healing.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/