Confused and starting to get really mad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Confused and starting to get really mad.
13
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 6:46pm

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Edited 4/29/2010 4:30 pm ET by hazelrose2009

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 7:24pm

The answer is really quite simple. He's a selfish, egotistical moron. He knows dang well what he's doing. He wants a reaction out of you. He's hoping you will email or txt him, telling him to cut it out, so he can say, "Cut what out? What are talking about? Just plain ol' manipulation that WON'T be successful as long as you remain unavailable.


I know it's driving you over the edge, but you can step back before it happens. Let his game playing fuel enough anger to cut these people out of your life forever. It doesn't matter what ANYONE thinks of your behavior because YOU can choose who you want to be friends with and who you want out of your life. It's your call, Hazel.


Get yourself so busy with work and outside activities that you REALLY don't have time to hang out....that is, if your H doesn't stand behind your decision to ditch them.


It's a tough situation, HR, but you have to be creative now in how you are going to handle it.

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 7:40pm

He is a selfish pig who enjoys feeling his power over you. He wants you to want him, so he can reject you over and over again. The second he feels you're not reacting the way you did in the past, he's just trying harder. I can absolutely guarantee you - if you will stick to NC, soon enough he'll be the one breaking it because he won't be able to do without his ego massage that he is so used to. Puke.

Cut him out for good, both of them. You don't need any of their drama in your life.

XOXO
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:15pm

I just read this in the article "The Seduction of the MM" in the Healing Library. It seems to describe you xap to a T:


She continues to say no and the more she says no, the more aggressive and charming and attentive he gets. This is the ultimate male challenge, to win over a woman who is saying no even though he knows she really is attracted to him.


A married man will work harder than any available man to make a woman fall in love with him.


I agree with Iddy that he knows exactly what he's doing, Hazel. There is no "maybe he's just clueless." He is a selfish, mean, despicable JAM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 9:28pm
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Edited 4/29/2010 4:30 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 12:06am
Good for you to turn here for clarity. He clearly hasn't let go of you; which he'll have to deal with. Don't feel any guilt about moving on. All means necessary to do what's right for you are A Ok. Good
luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 12:08am

Hazel,

So often your words have echoed my exact feelings...

...and I have struggled so much with the WHY is he doing this? Is he even aware of it? Then I actually said something two weeks ago about how hard it was for me at work, when he was constantly making suggestive comments, to please stop because it was hurting me....giving me hope when there was none.

Did that help? Nope. Does he care? Nope. It only opened a door that he quickly slammed shut once his ego got the stroke it was looking for. He doesn't give a cr*p about the damage it causes.

Sooooo true! I know this feeling sooo well. And it's horrible. I am dealing with the same hurts...it has given me chronic colds and hives from stress. My skin is all broken out. I have dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep.

Iddy posted to someone else not long ago a question: "how long are you going to let this JAM keep treating you this way?" It guess we first have to accept the fact that YES - they ARE aware of their behavior and secondly YES we have to power to say enough.

I feel your stress and pain. Big ((hugs)) to you,

Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 9:00am

Hi Hazel-

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know what a struggle this has been for you and this is certainly not helping. What a jerk. I am mad for you right now. If I knew this man, I'd be at his house or his place of work right now to give him a piece of my mind. I will echo what others have said- that sticking to NC now is the best thing you can do for yourself. He will give up sooner or later... let's hope for sooner, rather than later. You are a tough cookie Hazel and I know that you can do this. His actions are certainly illustrating what kind of man he really is... certainly one that you do not need in your life any longer. Stay strong girlie. We are all here for you.

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 3:39pm
..............


Edited 4/29/2010 4:31 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 11:19am

He is a coward. He is too scared to leave his marriage, too scared to face the reality of what he is doing, too scared to face his real life.


This guy didn't crush your self esteem. I am sorry to tell you but you did this to yourself. You got involved with him knowing he was M and believed him even when you saw that he was lying to and cheating on his W. You are also betraying your H and his W pretending to be her friend while secretly wanting and sleeping with her H. Does that also make you a coward? Some would also argue that you are a coward. You are not a coward,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 4:18am

Hazel, hope by now your hurting diminished if not vanished.


He will stop eventually if he didn't received any reaction from you or that he realize that his magic on you has already expired.

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