Complicated Trigger- Input?
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Complicated Trigger- Input?
| Fri, 04-02-2010 - 11:53pm |
I'm gonna try to explain my situation without 'explaining' it all... It's complicated and something I'd like to put behind me...

Hi Beautiful Sunshine,
Since Jen knows about the A, and about AP being xAP now, I would suggest that you tell her you can't come because it's still to hard for you to deal with xAP. That's the truth and there's nothing wrong with that truth. Maybe she won't understand because she is still able to maintain a friendship (?) with xAP, but that's her problem. You just tell her it's too much for you to handle.
Hugs!
HTGO
B_S,
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~Iddy~
Sunshine,
My gut instinct is that you might be a People Pleaser. I seems to me that it should be easy to tell such a 'great' friend that you're not comfortable seeing xAP, and that you should expect her to sympathetic and supportive. If you're pouting about not getting to go to this special event, you need to snap out of it. You have much bigger fish to fry in your life. right?
Jen might not be the best person for you to confide in, considering how she's dealt with her/your xAP to date. She's not doing 'better' than you just because she is still in contact and it seems, to you, that she's unaffected. Now, or really ever, is not the time for you to concern yourself with her agenda for staying in contact with him. You need to focus on you and only you.
I hope you find your voice and subsequent peace soon.
xo
Dee
Thanks Dee....
As we all know, dealing with the trigger when it first happens is the hardest thing... A good night's sleep was refreshing and took the edge off!
Thanks Iddy...
Your input is always important to me....
Hi Beautiful- (love being able to call you that).
If I were in your situation, I'd tell Jen that I could not go, explain briefly why, and be on your merry way. Even though the event is several months off, you don't want to put yourself in a situation like that. Self protection is so important as we heal. I had to face xap this week after 2 months and it was excruciating... not during the event, but afterwards. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him and it is wreaking havoc in my personal life with DH. He's noticed a difference in me and thinks I am back in the A. I am sorry you had to deal with this trigger. I have been there. Since I work with xap (for now), his name pops up in my inbox and each time it does, it's like a knife to the heart. I hope you are doing well today. Be strong- this will pass and hopefully you won't have to deal with anymore triggers for awhile.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/