FB friend again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
FB friend again?
3
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 10:58pm

As i have posted before, i have password of xap's email and fb.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 1:38am

Since I am up late and have some time I will chime in with my newbie view.

Tread Lightly!

There was a recent discussion on cyber-stalking and in it Luvin wrote a pretty good assessment as to the dangers of FB. I for one now view FB as the devil. My XAP found me through FB (long lost high school friends, i was the one who got away..YEAH RIGHT). I resisted FB for so long, finally caved when my brother who I rarely communicate with told me it was the best way to keep in contact with him. Well that has not happened. Sure its great for keeping up with family and such, but boy can it be dangerous.

Its funny, in a thread a while back Bohdi was mentioning how helpful this board is and said "Where would I be without the internet". I remember chuckling to myself (I was very fresh out) and thinking "I would not be in this mess without the internet!" And I actually truly believe that. But I also would not be where I am today without the advice and guidance of this board, so...

My advice is to be cautious with who you add back. I am sure you are stronger then you were when you deleted, and yes your reaction to the pictures did provide strength and movement forward in your recovery. BUT, you never know where a powerful trigger may come from. And trying hard to avoid any possibility is a necessity.

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As a scientist I have to jump in and say you have not 'proven' anything. you have provided evidence that XAP is having less of an effect on you. However, you never know what could show up in the postings of one of your mutual friends. IF you do add anyone back, be sure that XAP is on your BLOCK LIST. That way if he sends a flirty message to a gf of yours...you wont see it! It blocks you from seeing any correspondence involving him on anyone's page. Again this wont block if one of the friends posts something directly about him in their status, but at least it would keep you much less guarded.

And lastly I would just urge you do ask yourself if these people who sent requests are really 'friends'. How long ago did you block them, and if they are just now realizing they cant see your page, what does that tell you about how important they are. If there is any risk in setback I would say not important enough. Even though you are getting stronger you need to surround yourself with the people who are most important in your life.

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Then let them be H FB friends. You do not need to worry about what other people are thinking. If anyone ever asked you about it personally, just tell them that you felt your FB page had got to sprawling and just needed to pull back the reins a little bit on how "out there" your digital self was getting.

Good luck, and dont stress to much. FB is good at causing that.
Peace&light
Foggy

I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 6:05am

Hi LW


It depends on if you feel FB really enhances and adds to your life, or if it distracts and withdraws you from life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 7:15am
I wouldn't add them back. If you are going to then put them on limited profile. You can always have their status updates etc not show up on your news feed. This is what I do when people's updates