interesting article on marriage!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
interesting article on marriage!
16
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 3:22pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 4:03pm
Thank you for this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 4:29pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 5:39pm

Alice,


Drinking in the corner....you crack me up but isnt that about right??? I too would miss my H and look at him and his "new" wife and be jealous. I too would be drinking in the corner, sad, lonely and wearing my scarlet letter. I would leave the wedding/graduation and go home to my 42 cats and watch Lifetime movies about women who cheat.


No thanks on that. As fun as it sounds, Ill work on my M. Instead of flirting outside my M, Ill flirt inside of it with my H. Ill tell him he's cute, Ill hug him more, Ill hold his hand. Ill talk to my DH about the time we spent 5 hours putting together a baby crib, about the time we were both up all night with a sick newborn. Maybe Ill talk about how only HE can wake our boys up by rubbing their backs and kissing their cheeks. It's my H who knows how to make "squisky waffles", its my H who knows how to put me at ease around some members of my family, and its my H who knows Im not a morning person and compensates accordingly. As Ive said before, that is a dance that you perfect over time and I never want the music to stop.


Thanks for this Alice.


Hugs,


GMLB

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 3:23am

Gosh, I love reading these types of post.


I'd be at the wedding hoping my ( by then) hair transplant had taken so that i could still attract an admiring glance or two as i posed.


Then when i went up to bed alone, or even with a new partner who has put on weight, become predictable, and who snores, i will wonder where it all went wrong and if this is what was meant to happen!


I'd still be obsessed with attracting women to make me feel good about myself, instead of helping people, visiting beautiful places, reading inspirational things, thinking about the wonders of the universe and the deep seas. Obsessing over attracting the 'right' woman instead of making friends with God. Discovering love as an action, not a feeling. Losing my fear of death. Raising my boys to be strong, lovely and faithful men.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 8:59am
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 9:20am
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 10:14am

Well, after the birth of our last child she said that something happened biologically that meant she just didn't want sex anymore. Eventually, I got tired of the rejection and stopped trying.
I found that I was flirting alot at work and so wrote a letter to my w.
Yes, that's right, to her at our address. I told her that I could not make her want to have sex but I told her how lonely I was and that I needed her to respond in other ways.
I told her that I had put writing paper and stamps and envelopes in her bedside drawer and that I'd appreciate a reply.
She told me she read it and would reply. I waited. A few weeks later I rang home and left a voicemail. Please reply to my letter. It never happened.
I met my AP about 6 months later.

I asked my w recently if she thought we might ever have sex again. She said she was sure things would improve later in the marriage, whatever that means.
I no longer find her attractive. She has put on so much weight and has no energy.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. I know. But I don't lie when I say I have been lonely for years. I have a good job, I do alot with my boys. I feel I am taken for granted.
I am trying to be honest here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 10:38am

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 10:57am

Well, she knows I won't leave. She has even said before 'i know you won't have an affair because of your faith'. You can guess how that makes me feel.

My A started when she had her mother stay with us for 8 months one time as my w had a hip replacement. I was being ordered about here and there. If I am honest , my resentment helped me try to justify my affair.

We went to marriage counselling and w told me she had got us into debt to tune of $160,000! we are now credit black listed. We both have professional jobs and she works very hard. We both do. What a mess!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 11:04am

There are worse things in the world than getting a divorce - having an affair would be one of them. So, what do you get with an EXA? A lousy marriage AND a lousy A. whoopdie doo.

I left a rotten marriage after ten years, and I had previously said I didn't believe in it. Plus, I had a brand new baby on my hip when I walked out. It was the best thing I ever did for myself AND my DD, but it took me some time to come to that conclusion. So, I almost ruined my second marriage to a decent man because of my poor coping skills dealing with the challenges of a RL R that has its share of issues.

Knowing when to throw in the towel is difficult to figure out, but none of us will know if we made the right decision if we're so defective that we are in an A, or newly out of one. Giving up too soon or for the wrong reasons... or staying stuck in _any_ relationship that is damaging or feels like a life sentence of dissatisfaction --- man, oh, man -- we need all our wits about us if we're going to figure out which is which.

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