Shower habits of men and women

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Shower habits of men and women
16
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 8:30am

How To Shower Like a Woman:


1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.


2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband(boyfriend) along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.


3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.


4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.


5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.


6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.


7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.



8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.


9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.


10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).


11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.


12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.


13. Turn off shower.


14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.


15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel



16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails or tweezers if found.



17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.


18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.


How To Shower Like A Man:


1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.


2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.


3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecks (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.


4. Get in the shower.



5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).


6. Wash your face.



7. Wash your armpits.


8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.


9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.


10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.


11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).


12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.



13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.


14. Pee (in the shower).


15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.



16. Partially dry off.


17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size, again.


18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.


19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.


20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.



21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed

Waving to BL, I couldn't resist putting this up here, since you liked it so much.

;-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2008
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 8:54am
Thank you so much for posting this - I AM ROLLING!!!!!

SeductiveWoman

Live Life Vicariously!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 9:10am
Waving Racoon



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 9:28am

OH NENU!

That was hilarious!





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Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2001
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 3:45pm
Absolutely hilarious and true!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 9:23pm
Lol, so true except that my DH actually sprays the shower with daily shower cleaner AND hangs up his towel.

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 10:36pm
can you send him over.......LOL




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 5:55am

What is it about men and showers? My DH is generally clean and tidy, he dresses well and with care, but when he gets into the bathroom and particularly the shower the hidden inner slob seems to come oozing out! It seemed like I spent ten minutes getting the place presentable again after he had gone to work this morning.


Rikki

Hugs,    

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2007
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 12:14pm

Nenu, it's been a looonngg while since I've seen this joke.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 12:58pm

You stil love us men.

I shower, use soap, shampoo. If I am feeling horny,well the soap helps out with that too.

Male65401

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the thingsyou didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines.Sail away from the safe harbor.Catch the trade winds in your
sails.Explore. Dream.Discover" ...

resize2.jpg image by Roy5k2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 2:55pm
Mine walks out of the shower, and if I happen to be lying on the bed, he will stand there naked lift his arms up to his waist, raise his chest and stand there like he is Mr Universe..I will admit, he does look awesome, then he will strut around shaking himself and wiggling his butt..too funny.

lust-1.jpg image by Case_8290

 

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