Is this normal, or am I sick?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Is this normal, or am I sick?
7
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:09am

Hey everyone

I'm sure a lot of you ladies out there have fantasized about the most perfect, ideal man...even if you had to make him up in your head. I sure have. Anyway, over a year ago I was watching the news and there was this news story about a man who had gone missing and he was presumed dead. They showed a few of his pictures and I thought he was very good looking. People who were close to him were being interviewed and were describing the type of person he was. Well, to make a long story short...I came to the conclusion that if I had known this guy, I would have been head over heels for him. I know the kinds of guys I'm attracted to, and he seemed to fit the profile...granted I didn't know this particular man personally. Anyway, I began having fantasies about him. Sexual fantasies, of course, and other fantasies that included him. It was easy because since I didn't know him personally, I was able to make him perfect in my head. Anyway, that was over a year ago, and I'm still doing it! Sometimes I think it's just normal...a young woman fantasizing about a man...but other times I feel obsessed. I certainly don't want to be obsessed. Any input?

~The Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 10:26am

Jen, this does not make you sick. Everyone has the perfect person in their head who they have made up. There is nothing wrong with you. Now if you had no imagination of what the perfect man was, then there might be some concern. I have been told women use a father figure from their childhood to guide them in the perfect man.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 11:36am

No, I don't think you're abnormal. Many people have a favorite "go-to" fantasy, and many people have a favorite "go-to" character that features into their fantasies. And I think that if most of us really thought about our fantasy partners, we'd see that we've pulled a lot of characteristics from people we've known, read/heard about, seen, etc. I think you're only feeling a little odd because you know many of the basics of your fantasy partner are rooted in one person that you didn't really know. The thing to remember is that you do know your fantasy partner. You know him because you created him. Sure, you may have used and existing person as a blueprint, but in the end, your fantasy partner is probably not as similar to the actual person as you might fear because your fantasy partner is created from your perception of the world through your own unique experiences. The real man isn't. So, no, I wouldn't be concerned about this. I would be concerned only if you find yourself unable to fantasize about anyone else or unable to open your eyes/mind to the possibilities of real relationships with real people due to an obsession with this particular fantasy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 11:41am

I have been told women use a father figure from their childhood to guide them in the perfect man.


I'm not sure I agree with that statement. My dad is a very conservative, straight laced ,almost uptight personality. He's an attorney and obsessed with work. He's also very active in the Anglican church he goes to and has very strict Christian morals. I tend to be attracted to creative types, artists, musicians etc. Open minded people who focus on living life rather than obsessing about driving the right car or having alot of money.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 12:07pm

Hey Mel

Thanks for your post, you made me feel a lot better. I guess I am not that obsessed because I can and have fantasized about other men. Whew! That was close.

~The Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 12:43pm

Glad I could help!





iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sat, 02-23-2008 - 10:42pm
Jen you sound as though you are a creative and artistic type of person. The fact that you fantasized about a guy without knowing him says a lot about your imaginative abilities. From reading your posting it sounds as though as time has passed that this fantasy is being less important and you do not fantasize about it as much. Furthermore based on your posting it sounds as though you have not done anything to track down his family, felt the desire to find out everything that you can about him, or paste articles about him in your home. I suspect the fantasies are loosing its power and in time you will not have them. At least at this point in time I would not worry that they are an issue for you and accept that you are probably a very creative person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Sat, 02-23-2008 - 10:54pm

Hi Smurfberry

Thanks for your post. Actually, I have done some research to find out more info about him. I found some articles online, nothing too big. I didn't print and paste articles around the house or anything to that nature. I didn't track down his family either. I think doing either of those two things would be a little weird and obsessive. I just googled him and found as much info as I could...info and pictures. When the fantasies first started I printed up a picture of him, but I threw it out not too long after because I was saying to myself..."I am carrying a picture around of a man I don't even know. What am I doing?" I threw it away.

~The Jen