Dream or Fantasy? Sex with a Co-worker?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Dream or Fantasy? Sex with a Co-worker?
8
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 12:11am
I'm new to this whole posting thing, but to be honest, I'm at a bit of a loss right now. I'm 30 yrs old, recently married to my best friend, we've been together for 4 and 1/2 years. What I'm struggling with is that I seem to have no desire to be with him sexually, gosh, for a while now. I have to force it almost. But, and this is why I have filed this post in 'fantasy', I recently had the most vivid dream that has pretty much shook me to my core. Is it a fantasy or just a dream? I essentially had a really intense, the world is under attack and I'm running running to safety with this man, (who's not my husband) and we end up having the craziest, most passionate sex ever. The problem is, this guy is a good friend of mine, a co-worker, someone I respect. I also adore his wife, and they have a fantastic marriage. What is wrong with me?! I'm on a business trip right now, and there is a bunch of us, himself included, and it's actually making me uncomfortable. My husband and I both work so much, the time we do see eachother is few and far between, and we are both so exhausted we don't make time for sex. I know it's frustrating for him, but I'm seriously just not interested. So how is it that I have this crazy intense dream, that feels so real, but it's not with him? How do I turn the fantasy into a reality with my husband? And why does part of me want the fantasy to become a reality with this friend of mine? I seriously feel like I'm losing it, any advice would be helpful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 8:41am

Hi and welcome figuringitout. Nice to meet you. Stick around and jump in anytime. There are some great people here. Hey, will you do me a favor? Please fill in your profile so we can know something about you. Thanks!


Well, why not try setting aside some time for you and your husband. There is nothing wrong with fantasies, as long as they are kept that way and not acted upon.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 5:15pm
For me just lack of sex will set off sexual dreams.

 


 


 


 


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 10:15pm


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 11:53pm
I think there are just a bunch of underlying issues that my husband and I are dealing with right now, and my outlet obviously seems to be sexual fantasies with my co-worker as opposed to figuring it out with my husband. The three of us (me and the two guys I work with) just had a series of drinks after our long a** work day and we talked about work life balance, and how we all manage our relationships with our SO at home, given that we all work all the time. I'm stuck in this wierd place where my coworker and I are similar personalities, we approach arguments and conflict the same way, while our SO's are very similar. His wife is an angel, she is patient with his work schedule and plays the dutiful wife role. The problem is, I'm so not that woman. I've never been that woman. I'm focused on my career and while I'm congratulated for the time and effort I put in, my husband still expects me to be a stereotypical 'wife'. He grew up with his mom catering to all the men in the family, and while I love him more than anything, I just don't work that way. He's always told me how much he loves and appreciates my independence, my drive, my approach on life and now that we are married it's like he expects me to fall into this role that his mother played. To be honest (and I'm being honest, I've had a few cocktails), I'm at a loss as to what to do. I do love my husband more than anything, but if I compromise who I am I know I will end up resenting him in the long run. I can cook, clean and take care of a household, I just choose to work first and foremost. We can afford a particular lifestyle because I do. So... I end up having this crazy fantasy, which I'll admit, I've had more than once since the initial 'dream'... and I'm back at square one. Then my husband just calls and leaves the sweetest message, which he always does, because I know he loves me more than anything. Man, I'm rambling, but it must be because I've had a few too many to drink. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 8:19am
Would you ever do anything?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 8:21am
Have you tried sitting and talking to dh about these underlying issues? Or maybe see a counselor?

286d0cf847.jpg picture by nhgal2006


friends.png image by nhgal2006



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 8:24am

I'm not sure.I dont think so. But she does send mix signals about him. She also gives me mixed signals.

SO lets say NO!

Male65401

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the thingsyou didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines.Sail away from the safe harbor.Catch the trade winds in your
sails.Explore. Dream.Discover" ...

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Avatar for softwetkisses4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 12:32pm

Have you tried to sit down with your SO and talk this out. Explain that you are just never going to be the kind of traditional wife that he may be looking for. If necessary, maybe seek out some counseling to hash this out.

Above all, never sleep with a co-worker! I think they call it, never sh*t where you eat! I have seen some very disastrous events come from this at places where I have worked. Nothing but nothing good ever comes of it. Good Luck.