Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2007
Help!
7
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 12:12am
So some of you may remember me... for those who don't, I love to be dominated, especially in a manner that involves bondage. When I first frequented this forum, I was dating a man who was, if anything, kinkier than I was. Now that he and I have split up, I'm dating a man who is very... vanilla. The sex is great, even better than what I had with the ex, but I miss the wilder stuff. How do I go about testing the waters?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
In reply to: sailorsscreamer
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 7:41am

Hi there,


For me, i found communication to be the best first step. I had tried givign DH cues in bed to spank me or hold me down, tie me up etc...but he just wasnt very responsive. After a few months with no results I decided to just talk to him. Sometime when you two are alone bring up the topic of sex, even if its in a playful manner to get a dialogue going. I wouldn't mention the ex, but telling him that you'd like him to be a little rougher with you or that you'd like to try some bondage (just very light bondage if he scares easy lol) and see how he responds. If he's positive about it, then go into more detail about what you want. If he seems skittish of the idea, just let i marinate with him for a while and revisit the subject.


I've found in my experience that vocalizing what you want is the best way to go. Men can often be oblivious to small cues in the bedroom, and most will find it refreshing that you're willing to ask for what you want. Let us know how it goes!

lothmaybe1.jpg

lothmaybe1.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2001
In reply to: sailorsscreamer
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 10:20am

Lothiriel is right on the money. Tell him what you like - I like it rough. May want to ask and see if he has any fantasies he would like to fulfill - have you ever tied your partner up? Have the conversation before you are in bed.

Hope this helps.

Aloha,

MWC

Go Herd!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2007
In reply to: sailorsscreamer
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 9:26pm
THanks... you're right, it really does come down to a matter of communication. And the matter of me getting up the guts to tell him what I like.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2007
In reply to: sailorsscreamer
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 9:28pm
He's very shy about sharing what he wants... its actually kind of sweet, but it can get frustrating. But I do know the answer to me tying him down, and that's a no. His ex did that to him and he freaked, he's sort of claustriphobic. Not a problem, tho, since I much prefer to be on the restrained end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2001
In reply to: sailorsscreamer
Wed, 11-12-2008 - 9:32pm
Well you know one thing he doesn't like. Hand him the restraints have him tie you down and perform oral until he gets tired or you pass out from "O"s
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2007
In reply to: sailorsscreamer
Wed, 11-12-2008 - 9:44pm
Now THAT sounds like and incredibly good night to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2001
In reply to: sailorsscreamer
Thu, 11-13-2008 - 7:12pm

He could definitely enjoy himself!

Tell us how things go




Edited 11/13/2008 7:40 pm ET by manwithcats