Hello...words of wisdom, please?!
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Hello...words of wisdom, please?!
| Sat, 08-04-2007 - 12:05pm |
I am happy to have found this message board! I hope I can get some good advice and kind words of wisdom!
I'm frustrated with always being put 2nd to the fire dept. Is that selfish? My guy is the 1st Assistant Chief at our volunteer fire dept. I'm sure that is enough said.
How am I going to learn to deal with these feelings or change my thoughts? He's not going to change...the fire dept has always been #1 in his life and he's the first to admit it.
I don't want to lose my relationship over this...is there any hope?
Thank you for listening!
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Welcome Belle! I'm Gail, married to Tim for 19 years. We have two kids, Matthew is 17 and Brittany is 15. We live in Philly where Tim is a F/T FF/EMT/HazMat guy.
I would love to help you out....but I need some more information (if you don't mind). How long have you been together? Do you live together? Have any kids? The reason I ask is because you can deal with these things differently in different situations. Also, when you say he puts the FH first, what do you mean? Have any examples??
Yes, there is hope though. When he is at the station then yes, the station should be #1 (for his safety) and when he is home with you then you should be #1 (again, for his safety!lol) If he ditches you all the time for FH things that don't really have to do with fighting fires or actually working, well, then that is a whole 'nother situation and has nothing to do with him being a FF. But, if the beeper goes off and he ditches you, well, that's his job, that is what he is suppose to do and that is normal....and yes, that is something for you to work through and we are here to help!
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Your DH must have a lot of responsibilities being an Asst. Chief. I assume they even creep into YOUR time. That's happened to me too. This is where we have to remember our part in the fire service, and be loving, supportive wives.
Firefighters get to go home and enjoy their time off without worries, except for studying for tests. Some officers even have that luxury. When your officer is responsible for the running of the department to whatever extent, they aren't given that luxury.
Be proud of your firefighter and the work he does. Support him as much as you can, AND take time for yourself. Regroup. Remember why you married him. Remember his excitement when he joined the fire dept. and know that that rarely ever changes. He probably doesn't even intend to make you second fiddle. In his heart you aren't. Hold onto that thought.
You can come and vent here anytime. Do you have a family, friend, or church support system? If not, we're available! I'm looking forward to chatting with you again!
Just an FYI Kath.... " Firefighters get to go home and enjoy their time off without worries, except for studying for tests" Not true for most departments. ALL of the officers here have that "luxury" just like the FF's! Is your DH a volley Kath? I mean, then I could see him having to stay later or whatever....but on a paid dept. you work the shift and that's it, there isn't any staying over because of their responsibilities.
I'm sure that you didn't mean to put down firefighters to make the officers seem like they are so much better, but that is one way it could be taken.
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Welcome!
My name is Kellie and am dating Chris. We live in RI and have been together 6 years. He has been on the department for just over a year now. I am an accountant at a little newspaper locally.
I agree with Gail, if you could give us a bit more info, then I think we could help you more. Are you two dating/engaged/married. Living together? How long have you been together??
I think we all go through times where we feel second to the department. Ok, well at least I do! But it takes being secure with your relationship to know that even when he's not around, he's thinking of you. And remember, this is his JOB. He's supposed to be there. He doesn't put
Thank you for the warm welcome everyone!
Let's see...we are engaged and I have a 3 year old daughter...we just moved in together 3 months ago so it's all pretty new. Living together adds news angles on things.
We are doing pretty good now. I got to be involved the other day when he had a call...that really was helpful bc I got to see how dedicated he is and really made me appreciate all that he does for our community and for our family.
I'm not a part of the women's auxillary but I happen to be there when they were getting food and water around for the guys so I helped out, it was really a good feeling to be helping out and I was busy so that was good!
I have a link to a news clip of my FF talking to the media about the boat that sunk (the call we both were kept busy with! He was there until 4am this morning...thankfully my daughter and I were able to come home at about 9pm last night.)
href='http://www.wetmtv.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoId=4455@video.wetmtv.com&navCatId=5&rss=134' http://www.wetmtv.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoId=4455@video.wetmtv.com&navCatId=5&rss=134target='_blank'>http://www.wetmtv.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoId=4455@video.wetmtv.com&navCatId=5&rss=134>
"Keuka Maid Sinking"
OMG!!!!
Guess that's the difference between big city departments and small town departments.
That is some video! It was good that you got to be there for that call.....you can see why he does what he does.
Like Kellie said, it is his job....but also, with FF's, it's also what makes them who they are (in a sense). You would no sooner expect him to stop drinking water then to have him stop being a FF. When you say "he will never change"....would you really want him to? Sure, you might want him home more often or not have him run off in the middle of dinner but this is where your role becomes so important.....if you love him, love all of him, just the way he is
Isn't it funny how all the departments are the same and yet so different? Fred is in charge of maintenance for his dept. and runs a shift too, so we get calls at home all the time. We've even diverted from shopping trips to head into the station for this or that.
When he was a LT. acting as a BC, we didn't get too many calls at home because the maintenance duty belonged to a BC. Boy did that change fast when he was promoted.
You are right. It is part of the job, and we as a family have to deal with it. I'm really proud of all that he has accomplished and I enjoy watching him deal with some of the hairbrained things that go on, so it really isn't a problem for us. When the phone rings, I just put on a pot of coffee and sit and enjoy the show!
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