NEED SOME HELP... PLEASE!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
NEED SOME HELP... PLEASE!!!!
3
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:38am
OK EVERYONE I NEED SOME WELL A LOT OF HELP. ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF NOW. WE WERE BOTH EACHOTHERS FIRST. WE NOW LIVE TOGETHER, BUT BEFORE WE MOVED IN TOGETHER OUR SEX LIFE WASN'T ALL THAT GREAT. I'M TALKIN ONCE A MONTH. IT SUCKED. SO I TOLD HER THAT I WANTED IT TO BE MORE OFTEN. SHE SAID NOT TO WORRY IT WOULD ALL CHANGE WHEN WE MOVED IN TOGETHER. SO I SAID FINE AND LET IT GO. SO NOW WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER AND IT IS JUST ABOUT THE SAME. THE DEAD ONLY HAPPENS ABOUT ONCE EVERY THREE WEEKS. EVERYTIME WE DO HAVE SEX SHE NEVER INSTIGATES IT, I'M THE ONE THAT ALWAYS DOES. IF I DON'T, THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT SHE COULD GO YEARS WITHOUT IT. LETS JUST SAY SHE HAS NO SEX DRIVE AT ALL. SHE WON'T LET ME GO DOWN ON HER, SHE HAS NEVER TRIED ORAL ON ME, AND THE ONLY POSITION WE HAVE EVER TRIED IS MISSIONARY. SHE IS ON DEPO. SHE HAS BEEN ON THAT FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS NOW. I'V HERD ABOUT SOME PEOPLE LOOSING THEIR SEX DRIVE BECAUSE IF THE SHOT. IS THERE ANY MEDS OR ANY THING THAT WOULD HELP THE SIDE AFFECT OF THE SHOT? PLEASE HELP ME. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR THIS. I NEED HELP BAD. ANYTHING WILL HELP.

THANX A TON,

INICEGUY


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:14am
Talk to her rationally first and formost. Secondly, suggest to her that she use another form of BC. It really does effect many womens drive, a lot more than they will ever admit to. Third, this may just be the way she is, and either get used to it, or walk, your call. But I would suggest you sit down and have a discussion with her about it, find out what is wrong, if anything, and tell her your feelings. Not just that you want it though. Who cares if you want sex. How do you feel about her not wanting to share it with you? Tell her, and do it in a calm, rational, and adult manor. She may have past experiences which are causeing her to not want it. You may also suggest seeking outside help. Most of all, and I do mean this in the most positive way, CALM DOWN. NO NEED TO LOSE YOUR MIND!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:18am
Many many women are on depo, and it doesn't cause them to lose interest in sex. It's only unfortunate that you believed her when she said it would get better when you moved in together. That's obviously not the case.

There are two reasons for lack of interest in sex....physical, or mental. If she's on depo, that means she sees her doctor regularly to get the shot, but has she ever asked for and/or gotten a complete physical? Particularly hormone level tests? If she hasn't, she should. Is she on any kind of medications? Meds can alter libido, particularly antidepressants.

If she has no physical reasons, then it's mental. She's been raised by people or a religion that says sex is nasty and dirty, and "nice girls" don't do those things....Or maybe she just isn't that interested in the relationship, other than a place to live.

She's the only one who can tell you what her problem is, and maybe even she doesn't know. Something is wrong when a person isn't willing to experiment a little, with postions, etc. The only way to fix it is to talk to her about it, and tell her what you want...and see if you can work out a compromise. If you can't, then there's not much point in continuing the relationship. If you can't get what you want or need from her, you need to find someone who's more compatible with you sexually. If you don't get out of the relationship, you'll find yourself cheating on her anyway, so you might as well either fix it, or get out of it.

Avatar for leticiaf
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 12:28pm
I lost my sex drive while on Depo, so I quit using it. Anything hormonal tends to mess with me, although I did find a birth control pill that worked for me without killing my drive or giving me migraines. Has she spoken with her DR about this yet?

Leticia