He's mad cuz he's too quick??
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| Fri, 05-14-2004 - 5:56pm |
Anyway, this last time, he just got so mad that he didn't last more than a couple minutes (3-5 not sure how long). And it upset me that he was so upset at himself. He even had trouble going to sleep.
So, any ways I can handle this situation? Tricks I can try so that he doesn't even know I am "helping him" or ways I can talk to him and say "Honey, I am MORE than satisfied.."?? He does the stop and start method and then can last like 10.. not much more, but sometimes he just gets so turned on.. and well... I hate to see him upset. HELP!! I really think he thought he let me down last night... and he didn't. *sigh* NOT AT ALL. I just love him and think he's the most incredible lover I've ever had. I tell him that. But all he knows is that "He didn't last more than a couple minutes..."

What can you do? Get fat & dumpy? Ok, just being silly, but I'd sure question his feelings for me if it took dieting and highlights to make him enjoy sex with me. Not that you shouldn't do those things, for YOURSELF, but I think I'd be very hurt by that.
He needs to get a grip, and he needs to practice holding it back. He's acting like a kid, if he can't have what he wants, he'll just throw a fit and upset you in the process. It's going to get to the point that you won't even have sex with him if you have to have this performance after ever session. He needs to grow up.
He will eventually get used to the "new you" and calm down some but the best thing he can do is to keep practicing with the stop and start method and mature. Most men find that they slow down and gain more control as they age. Also, education is the key. "The New Male Sexuality" by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld is a great resource book for men and I highly recommend it.
Anyway those are just afew scenarios I have ran into personally.
I'm somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to some aspects of my life (sex, relationship, martial arts, work) and I sometimes end up getting upset because I disappoint myself. With sex, I understand fully well what it's like to have your own body betray you. You have this mental image of a hot, sweaty, long, drawn out, torrid sexual encounter. What your body does instead results in a cataclysmic fizzle after two desperate minutes of trying to calm the hell down.
That was an explanation. What he does (and I must admit, I do as well) as a result of his perceived failure is abusive. He's angry with himself and whether he realizes it or not, is taking it out on everything and everyone. It may not be directed at anything external, but the mere exposure to it is acrid enough.
You may be right, there may be something else going on, but on the other hand, he may realize his upsetness displeases you and bottles it up instead.
Communicate. If he thinks he can sort it out without your help, give him all the space *your* comfortable with. In the end, it's your needs that are most important to you.
As far as the sexual problem goes, try having him orgasm first (pre-plan this of course) and continue with the foreplay until his refractory period is over. By the sounds of it you're both young, so the refractory period shouldn't be that long. Also, as other posters have mentioned, tell him to masturbate more frequently. The sensitivity of the glans is what, more often than not, gets us off faster than we want to.
Hope that helped.
Mutt
He got angry at what I think he THOUGHT was about the stamina problem, but after last night (which is when his mood finally broke) he discovered that WORK was the core of his stress. I think that when he had his most recent quick ejacualtion, he got upset, but that little upset triggored the EXTREME stress he's been going through at work. We didn't talk about the "sex problem" last night cuz incase he forgot about it, I don't want to bring it up. I simply asked "are WE ok" and he reassured me that WHATEVER his problem was (at that point he still didn't know), WE were ok and ~I~ was not the problem. Then we proceeded to go about our VERY enjoyable evening at dinner (celebrating our 6 month anniversary) and when he got relaxed, his thoughts cleared and it dawned on him that IT'S WORK that is getting to him (after all, he's working 7 days a week, 70 hours a week till who knows when..). And of course, when we got home last night, the fires were hot again and he had no complaints. I guess I learned that things aren't always what they seem and some things may take more time (in this case a LOT) than others...
THanks, guys, for the input!! I am so thankful to get the perspective from "the other side" most of the time. Sorry to any gals that read this, but when I hear "well, when a man does this, it's cuz of this" from a woman.. I feel like asking "HOw do you know? You aren't a man..." Hey, I've read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus!" That should be the instruction manual for understanding the oppsite sex. GREAT BOOK!! THanks again!