Teen sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Teen sex
32
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 7:04pm
I have an issue, and need some opinions. My neighbor and I have been friendly for years(our kids are best friends). She recently confided in me(she was crying)that she found a whole load of teen porn on her husband's computer dating back a few years. Would you allow your daughter(she's 15) to be around him unsupervised? Legalities aside, do you think he's capable of acting on his fantasies?

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: murphyslaw2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 8:10pm
Not necessarily but I wouldn't feel comfortable with it, either. But I'm sure you'll get a wide range of opinions on this one.

The Dad is obviously intrigued with young girls and his wife is very disturbed by what she saw, so for your peace of mind, why not just keep her at home when the dad is home and have their child visit your daughter at your home only?

Your neighbor's reaction may be a indication that her husband has a serious problem but regardless of all that, your daughter depends on you to keep her safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: murphyslaw2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 8:11pm
If I were you, I would NOT allow my daughter to be around him unsupervised. No chance. You should remind your daughter that some people are weird and that if anyone says inappropriate things to her, comes on to her, attempts something with her, that she should tell you. For some reason I think its easy to tell little kids that "its not your fault and let them know that need to tell you and its okay to tell if someone does something to them or touches them inappropriately. I think you should reinforce that with your daughter, even though she is 15. If something has happened, she might feel embarrassed to tell that something happened, or she might feel like its her fault for what she was wearing, or just feel totally weird about what happened and tried to blow it off like she may have misinterpreted.

That being said, I would suggest that the wife have an open, straight forward conversation about it with the husband. "this is what I found, why is it here, does it interest you, is this something you have a problem with, etc." If the man is generally not a weirdo and there are no other indications he is into kids, then I would give him the benefit of the doubt. He may have stubbled across it and out of shear curiosity looked. That doesn't mean that I, as a mother, would take a chance letting him be unsupervised with my kids. Not for 1 second!

I have been with my SO for 3 years. I KNOW that he does not have an interest in teen sex videos, so if I saw it on his computer and he told me a believable story, I would trust him. I would be very alarmed, but I would believe him if he said it was a one time, curiosity thing that was not something that aroused him, etc.

Just my 2 cents. Also, as I note, I am going to be very cautious with who my children are alone with. So many "trusted" friends, coaches, uncles, neighbors, could molest.


Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: murphyslaw2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:34pm
I would allow my daughters to be around him. For one reason and one reason only. They are able to take a full sized 250 pound man, and reduce him to tears in just a few seconds. They have had extensive self defense training, and are not afraid to use it. Trust me. LOL I have taught them from the time I met them that anyone touches them in anyway that they feel in inappropriate, they strike back hard, fast, and precisely. One has taken me to my knees, and all I did was tickle. LOL I was expecting the response. We are a very active, agressive, and forward family. My nose has been broken, lip bloodied, scratches, bruises, etc. From Teenage girls. One is five foot even, and even she can take down almost any man who is not trained of course, without question, or hesitation. That is the only reason I would allow it. So if he did touch any one of them, he would get exactly what he deserves. In general, I would say tell her to talk to him, find out what that was about, and either move on, or move out.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: murphyslaw2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:41pm
Well, that's good news for YOUR daughters, Jeep. But I doubt the OP's daughter would be prepared to do the same. AND she shouldn't be subjected to leers, suggestive remarks, etc. that the neighbor's husband may be serving up everytime she's over there.

Teens can be seduced by adults and THAT'S the issue, not physical force. He would never try to force her to do anything because he would be headed straight to jail even faster.


Edited 5/18/2004 12:42 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: murphyslaw2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:47pm
True, that is why I threw in the comment about telling her neighbor friend to talk to her husband. Seduce one of my girls??? LOL. That will be the day. One still thinks guys have cuties. LOL The other two have steady boyfirends and they are happy with them. All three think guys older than twenty are gross!!!!! Each one kind of follows what they like to call the 5 year rule. 5 years older, and they are way to gross to come close too. LOL I have to laugh all the time when I hear that. I am 11 years younger than there mother. But, anyway, If it were not for there preparedness your right, I would be on his tail for just looking at them funny, let alone talking to them, or making any suggestions. Not to keen on my girls getting messed with as you can tell. They all know what to do, and I am happy with that, but sometimes daddy needs to take the law into his own hands, cause they just don't see it for themselves. Most kids though, do not have the training, nor the insight, so NO, KEEP THEM AWAY. Especially the 15 year old girl. And make sure she tells you any time he is near, touches, looks at funny, or otherwise that she notices. Also, check the registry for sex offenders. He may already be on it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: murphyslaw2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:53pm
DEFINETELY do not let your daughter around him alone. This world is full of really sick and twisted people. Don't take a chance with YOUR daughters life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: murphyslaw2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:58pm
Did she find any other adult porn on there as well? Porn sites are loaded with teenagers and sometimes clicking onto one site will bring up a whole bunch of unwanted sites. With the teenager sites, they have cheerleaders and all that. I would think it was harmless. He's probably just horny and not getting satisfied at home so he goes elsewhere to horndog out.

If it was my daughter, I would probably keep an open eye on how he acts around her and just to be on the safe side, would not let her be alone with him. But I'd also confront him about that. I know R has had unwanted sites pop up onto our home computer and he gets upset. He doesn't want to look at gay guys or pregnancy sex. There is SO MUCH out there. Maybe he just looked up one or two sites out of curiosity, but then they sent him a bunch of others. Who knows? She should ask him.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: murphyslaw2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 1:03pm
My Dad gave me the same warnings and instructions about protecting myself, too, Jeep, BUT it happens everyday when parents swear it couldn't!

It happens to the smartest and most aware girls. Why? Because pedophiles are excellent liars and manipulators and they know how to seduce kids. AND they are typically someone the girl already trusts.

I don't think it's wise to allow the girl to be at the neighbor's house at all and since his wife was so devastated by what she saw...well, that should be all the OP needs to know to stop the visits.


Edited 5/18/2004 4:01 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: murphyslaw2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 1:21pm
I agree with Kat. Jeep is assuming that "girls" can't be seduced. When is everyone going to realize that the FEMALE sex drive is just as prevalent as the MALES! It makes me so angry at how naive society can be when it comes to women and sex. Sheesh!

I would conspire with my neighbor to keep my daughter out of their home unsupervised, and I would also advise her to probe her to confront him...under the assumption that these are saved pics in self-created folders.

How naive to think that a 15 year old couldn't be seduced by an older man. It's probably MORE common than males being seduced by older women. Females get horny. Get over it already!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
In reply to: murphyslaw2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 1:39pm
Haven't read the other responses...don't need to. The anser is NO. I would not allow my teenage daughter to be around this situation. Teen (under 18) porn is EXTREMELY illegal and that is a problem in and of itself. The odds of this guy being a real and dangerous pedaphile is negotiable, however the odds are sure a lot higher if he is involved in this kind of thing. It's possible to get a couple of things downloaded on a computer accidentally with all of the porn stuff mailed around. However, if his wife says that there was "a whole load" odds are good this guy has a problem. I repeat: DO NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILD AROUND THIS GUY...the risk is not worth it.

Peace.

Scott.

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