Too Much Thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Too Much Thinking
3
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 2:00pm
My boyfriend and I recently had a very candid talk about our sex lives. He was worried that I don't seem to get that excited during sex. The thing is he gets so excited it is like he becomes this other person. He is no longer attached to his rational mind and all thought of almost anything other than love and pleasure go out the window. I on the other hand and always aware of everything. I am wondering about what time it is, if he is happy, what I can be doing to make it better for me and him, the crap I have to do the next day, how many calories I ate that day, my brain just doesn't stop. Even when I orgasim it is pleasant, but I am still very present in my surroundings.

Is there a way that I can let stuff go, or do some people just not work that way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: yipon
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 2:59pm

I used to be like that, everything on my mind.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
In reply to: yipon
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 3:39pm
What you're talking about is reaching a meditative state (that's what your boyfriend is doing), and it is really healthy. The way to do it (and you don't have to be having sex by the way for this to work), is to go "into" your body. Literally shift your attention to the feelings in your body. Let your attention wander from the tips of your toes to the top of your head, noticing every feeling that is within and without. If you are making love, naturally your attention will turn to certain erogenous zones, let your attention rest there. When you notice that thoughts are drifting in, gently shift your attention back to your body. Thoughts are a normal part of the meditative process, so if you are having them, just let them be, but continue to shift to the feelings in your body. Sex will become a much more holistic, spiritual experience if you use this technique. In fact there are whole philosphies based on using sex in this way as a tool for enlightenment.

Good luck.

Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
In reply to: yipon
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 3:48pm
Have a glass of wine right before!!!

Seriously, mentally prepare yourself for the moment, during the moment, close your eyes meditate, fantasize, pretend you are somewhere else. That's what works for me.