coupla questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
coupla questions
5
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:53pm
Hiya,

My first question may be really silly, but its something that has been bothering me. Is it "normal" for a guy to lose his erection while giving me oral sex. In theory, I think it would be since I'm not usually thinking about my own pleasure when I am giving oral. But, there is some part of me that is concerned this happened because he was not enjoying himself or was turned off in some way. Am I thinking too much into it?

Second, the "thinking too much" post made me think of this. When I, myself, am giving oral I tend to think too much...not about my day or my to do list, but I feel like I have this checklist or "map" or something that I am following...like "ok first I will kiss his neck, next I am going to move to his chest and nipples" etc. Am I being too conscious about the act...is this something that will go away as I get more experience? Am I normal?:oP

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 6:04pm
Yes, it happens and yes, I believe you're reading too much into it and obviously paying WAY too much attention to how HE'S reacting to what he's doing than YOU are! LOL! He wouldn't be down there if he didn't want to be, so lay back and enjoy! And STOP thinking!

Yes, you'll become more spontaneous with time but if you will do what you feel, the experience will be more enjoyable for you both. Don't "map out" sex, react and respond. When you worry too much about technique, you are missing the point, IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 6:46pm
Ha ha...thanks Katmandoo. The only reason I noticed in the first place was because I was so turned on, I really wanted to have intercourse and upon trying to convince him to switch gears, realized that he couldn't quite switch that fast!:oP

I definitely know that I think too much about the process of things...just unsure how to turn my brain off. Wish I could.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 7:49pm
It might get a little un-erect while I'm giving her oral but that's only because I'm not thinking about it. It will snap back to full rigidity the moment I do -- I imagine that's just exactly how your guy is wired!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 4:15am
It's normal to loose your erection. He's quite simply distracted and concentrating on you. Switch the attention back to him and boing! It'll be there again. It's definitely NOT because he's not enjoying himself.

I don't think that the checklist/map is a bad thing. I think that I always have some sort of idea of what I'm planning to do next. A lot of the time I get sidetracked if something else happens or I get a particularly good (or bad) response. My partner might just shift position which changes my little map route.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:02am
Your normal, you just need to let go, thats all. Yes, a guy will lose his erection during oral giving. I do. It is not that I am not turned on by it, or that I am not enjoying myself. It just takes more direct stimulation to maintain an erection. Some times though, it is such a turn on that I maintain the entire time, and I am eager to get busy. It all depends. A lot for me depends on her reactions and responces to what I am doing. I have noticed that the more my SO interacts with me while I am pleasing her orally, the more I stay hard, and the more it turns me on, pushes me farther, and makes me want it more.

As far as a road map??? Where did you get the idea that you have to have a road map. Road maps lead only one place. Mundane sex. Get rid of the road map. Just go with what you enjoy, and want to do. Take your time, don't follow any real order. Just do what you feel at the moment. Focus on what makes him feel good, and what feels good to you to do.

Something I read on one of the other posts regarding turning off your mind and all the things you think about during sex. Turn your attention inwards. Concentrate on your pleasure, your feelings, and what is happening inside of you. Whether you are giving, or recieving, it makes no difference. Focus on your inner being. As a very respected person in my opinion wrote in another thread about thinking;

>>Leave your thoughts outside the bedroom door, they will be there waiting for you to pick them back up in the morning.<<


Edited 5/20/2004 11:11 am ET ET by jeephead