Boyfriend Problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Boyfriend Problems
5
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 8:25pm
Ok, I need someone to explain something to me.

When I first started going out with my boyfriend, he wanted to touch me and

be near me all the time, including lots of s.e.x. Over the last couple of

weeks, he doesn't seem to want it as much anymore, and I want it more than

ever. No matter how much I masterbate or have sex with him, it doesn't seem

to be enough. I feel bad because I feel like I'm pressuring him into having

s.e.x with me. Why am I so horny all of a sudden? I was never like this

with past boyfriends, then again, none of those relationships last any

longer than a couple weeks, maybe a month or two.

A few nights ago, we were being intimate and I asked him to go down on me,

and he said no because he would have to have a shower afterwards and didn't

want to. I was pissed, I mean, I don't ask for it that often, he's gets it

more than I do. I felt really insulted and hurt that when we're being

intimate that he could just say no to something I asked for.

We've been together for months and last night he told me that I don't know

him yet, and that I give my heart away too easy. I never told him I loved

him, I'm not even sure if I do, though he's told me he loves me. We're both

in a bit of a career change right now, and to save money, we're moving in

together as well as with another friend, we're each going to have our own room,

but he says we're moving too fast. I never asked for anything, nothing at

all, and he makes it seem like it's my fault.

He told me I met him at a really bad time and that we should just take it

day by day. I'm so confused, what's going on. Can someone help me?!

Mariah

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 1:10am
First, I just have to ask...."have a shower afterwards?" After cunnilingus? What does he do, crawl inside you? Geeze, that's a new excuse I've never heard before.

It SOUNDS like this guy is having some serious second thoughts about you and the relationship that may have been brought on by the new living arrangements. I personally don't think it's normal for sex to become less desirable to a man after only a few months, UNLESS he's having some second thoughts.

"You don't know me yet, you give your heart away too easily, we should take it day by day" ALL spell FEAR of commitment to me. OR at the least, real trepidation about the relationship.

Maybe he's feeling smothered, pressured or unsure of his feelings for you but in any case, don't move in with this guy and sign a lease together! Do you really want to be tied to him if this doesn't work out? And frankly, my dear, it ain't looking good.

You guys need to have a serious heart to heart and define just what your relationship is.




Edited 5/20/2004 1:15 am ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 4:05am
I agree with kat.

Your guy is making serious fear-of-relationship noises. Either he's not as in love with you as you think that he is, or he's getting scared off because you're planning on living together and he's afraid of that commitment. Saying things like "You don't know me yet" is just one short step away from "Sorry, I love you but I'm not IN love with you - our relationship is over". Your relationship is definitely on shakey ground with this guy.

You haven't asked for anything but I think that it's about time that you did. As kat said, I'd want to know what he thinks and the state of the relationship before I moved in and co-signed a lease. As it is, I wouldn't move in together yet.

Maybe the cost saving exercise of living together is not the good idea that it seems. Maybe you should consider moving into another established flat by yourself and see how the relationship goes.

And what's with the shower after oral sex thing? That's weird.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:14am
he said he wouldn't go down on me because he'd break out if he didn't have a shower, gotta tell you, it's pretty insulting to hear that. But no worries, it's pretty much over, he never came home last night. and i know where he was, thanks for the advice girls
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 2:35pm
Sorry you are going through this Irish Maiden, but it's better to realize things now than later.

It sounds to me he doesn't want anything serious, he just wants a friend/sex toy. No commitment, no responsibilities.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:53am
Oh no... Just be strong!!!

You'll see (as you are seeing now) that he isn't worth it...

When someone loves you, really loves you, he will love to do EVERYTHING on you, and get satisfaction from it.

You'll find that someone one day, not that loser...

Hugs and kisses for you