I stink at this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
I stink at this!
14
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:37pm
I stink at sex, I have no idea what I am doing! I have been with the same man for 15 years and just recently I have realized that I stink at sex! Any suggestions of web sites or book??

Thanks

Krisyg

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: krisyg
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:42pm
How do you know you stink at sex?
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Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: krisyg
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:44pm
girl, attitude adjustment is in order. first of all how do you know you stink? and second of all, even if you do, you've got a partner and a willingness to learn so improvement is inevitable. check out sexuality.org. they have great articles/instructions on oral and talking dirty and i'm sure almost anything else you would want to learn.

most importantly stop judging yourself so harshly and just have fun. that's immediate improvement right there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: krisyg
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:46pm
The Kama Sutra book displays many many different sexual positions. You can find that on-line or even at a Barnes & Noble. That's a start! Also, I think the sex boards here at ivillage are quite good. I've gotten a few new ideas for my hubby and I even. Veeerrry interesting reading here! Check out the Taboo Board and the other sex boards. I don't think you stink at sex. You just need to spruce it up and try out different positions. Maybe try a sex toy or two or just some nice massage oils. Oh ... there is so much!
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: krisyg
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 1:12pm
this is off topic, but i just read your profile and wanted to encourage you to go for your goal of going to law school after you complete your BA. i'm in my early thirties and currently half-way through a night program (i work full time during the day). it's really hard, but definitely doable! if you have any questions about this ask me in the off topics section below.

also, based on your profile, i'm wondering if your thinking you stink in bed has anything to do with your husband having affairs? this generally is not the reason men have affairs. problems in the bedroom tend to be a sign of bigger problems in the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: krisyg
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 1:36pm
O.K. Let me see if I get this one correct here. Your husband of 15 years has started or has been having affairs. You caught him maybe once, or everytime, and finally he blmed his affairs on your lack of sexual experience??? Am I close? He is cheating, because of something else intirely. If you really love him, and can get over his affairs, then you need to focus on your relationship with him, outside of the bedroom. Sex is hardly ever the reason men cheat. I know, I was a cheater. I cheated because I needed something my wife at the time didn't give me. That was attention, and affection. Not saying that your attention to him is not enough, or your not affectionate enough, but you need to look at your relationship, and decide if it is worth saving, first and for most. Then if you decide it is, work on your non sexual relationship with him. Not your sexual. That should be the last thing you worry about. Secondly, get some form of therapy, for both of you. He needs to figure out what it is that he is really missing from your relationship. Personally, as an ex cheater myself, I would advise you to get a divorce, and find a man who loves you for you, likes being with you, and likes having fun with you. For who you are, not for who he wants you to be. I made the mistake of trying with my Ex Wife. There was no helping our situation by the time I was threw with everything she had decided to pack her stuff and leave, and it was exactly what I needed to get my life fixed. Maybe he needs that kind of kick in the teeth as well. Maybe you need a boost of self worth, and or self confidence. As I tell my SO, there is no wrong, or right way to have sex. You just go for what you enjoy, and or enjoy what you are doing, and that makes it right. There is no specific talent, or ability that can replace your desire, your attentivness, or your responsiveness. Your lack of ability my dear, unfortunately is all in your head. Just have fun with sex, and let sex have fun with you, and it will be perfect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: krisyg
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 1:56pm
That was an excellent post, jeep. I hadn't read anywhere about the affairs, but I agree with you. My ex-hubby cheated on me and we actually were able to save our marriage another 8 years, but eventually it happened again and that was it! It is VERY VERY difficult to stay together after someone has cheated. It can happen and does, but it takes BOTH parties willing to go that extra mile for each other and as individuals.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: krisyg
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:25pm
I really wish there were more out there who would stop looking at me as a guy who just boasts and brags. I don't do that often. I generally talk from either personal experience, or from close friends and conversations I have had. Thanks for the compliment there Tiana. It is nice to hear once in a while, rather than people jumping all over my case or joking about the things I say. I try to tone down my ego, cause I know I have one. But it comes from my life experience and the things I have been told. I cannot help those who decide to scoff, or those who think they are better than others because they are older and "wiser". I may have only 13 years experience with this whole thing we call sex, but in those 13 years, I have gained more experience than many of those out there with twice and three times the experience, mostly just because I have had great lovers in that they were open and able to talk to me frankly and honestly about sex. That has a lot to do with things. Just being able to trust your partner enought to open up to them and be completely honest. No holds barred. Sure I have had plenty of insults, but they were constructive in that I learned from them. I have even been told I had a small penis. And that I had to laugh about. It didn't phaze me, as much as it would a smaller man. LOL I like to talk about sex, and I like to talk about my life experience, and when I do, and others don't agree, or think I am "tuting my own horn" should realize I will never meet any of you most likely, so what do I really have to prove here? Why should I care if you believe or you don't!!??? Oh well, off the topic, so I will comment on the topic.

Cheaters can change, I did. But I have several times had the feeling of need. I am happy where I am, and the person I am with, and that is more than enough for me. Yes, I have looked, but never have I touched, since I love my SO and I want to make her happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: krisyg
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:35pm
I think the people who put you down or put anyone down or act all superior-like are actually a tad bit jealous that they don't have the same thing in their lives! Or else, they have less than satisfying love lives, I don't which one, but I can't get behind making someone else feel badly or hurt them - something is the matter there. I use to just have regular, normal sex in my life until I met R. And we have normal, typical sex as well as the zealous sex - we're not always animals, haha. I say speak your mind and let come what may.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: krisyg
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 3:43pm
Any reason you've come to this conclusion after 15 yrs. with the same man? Has he ever complained or are you perhaps going through a period of insecurity or self doubt? It's pretty hard to stink at sex though. You would have to lie there like a trout to be really bad at it.

But if you want to learn some new things, check out all the links IVillage has to offer. You can find just about anything here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
In reply to: krisyg
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:29pm
i think that our opinions alone will sometimes make another person feel bad or another look superior. for instance, when i told my best friend about how my bfriend held my head, i also told her in the same breath that i think that taking it in the face is degrading and disrespectful. she told me that she doesn't. i wasn't meaning to put her down or act better than her, it just came out that way while expressing my opinion. in essence she now feels that i think she likes being degraded because she likes facials. it's the product of my opinion by default.

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