Too many partners?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Too many partners?
126
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 10:41am
Howdy. I'm so mad. Last night my bf of almost 2 mos. broke up with me. We were discussing exclusivity and he asked me how many people I had sex with. I told him 19. He said it won't work, and left. He's only been with 2 partners. How can he be jealous, that was my past.

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Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 10:58am
I think guys are intimidated if a girl they are with has more sexual expierience than he does. Its an ego thing. If I were you next time lie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 11:11am
He may very well be jealous. He may also view sex as a whole differently than you do. His view of who he thought you were may have changed. It's not really any different than if you were about to have sex with him and he didn't want to wear a condom. You'd feel that he lacked self-respect. His view of you changed, no doubt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 11:15am

My personal thoughts are, I would say he was looking for an excuse to break up with you.

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Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 11:37am
I agree with you about not lying to someone who you can potentially have a LTR with and I also agree with not giving a number and simply stating you have had past parteners but if its just simply for sex why not lie? Who cares.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 11:51am

Is there any way to know that it won't turn into a LTR and then you have a lie to deal with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 1:03pm
I think a lot of guys can accept a reasonable number in the sense that you were involved in a "relationship" with a person and were having sex as part of that relationship.

At 19, however, it seems more like you were having sex just for the fun of it - "sleeping around" in other words. This is an entirely different matter.

If your boyfriend is the type who believes in "true love" and just hasn't found his mate yet, it is unlikely that he will want to be involved with a woman who treats sex so casually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 5:47pm

I agree.

CL-Yasmin1967

May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 6:05pm
it seems like people generally want someone who has been with a number of partners within the range of their own experience. some people tend to be more judgmental about the numbers than others. when you have had a few partners, each was extremely significant and 19 just seems like so many, it's hard for them to understand. the judgmental thing can go both ways though. i've had more partners than you and would prefer not to be with someone that only had 2. that's simply because i'm in my early 30s and that represents a limited experience to me (unless they were involved in long term relationships for most of their adult lives) that makes me feel we might not be compatible in our understanding of each other. obviously if i felt enough for the person, i could overlook it.

ultimately, if he cares enough about you he'll be back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 7:12pm
IMO, DON'T bring up the number of past sexual partners! If your current sexual partner asks ABOUT THE NUMBER, tell him that you have had MORE THAN 1. Then say that you ALWAYS practiced safer sex (hopefully no unprotected sex). As a guy, I would want to know my prospective sexual partner is STD free. Also, NEVER say anything comparing his genital size with previous partners. Have a safe sexual day, mac

 

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 9:22pm
And THERE'S one of the biggest double standards that still exist. Many men still need to believe that they have all the experience to be the "teachers" when it comes to sex. But this IS the 21st century and they'll have a hard time finding a woman who's going to buy into that.

I wouldn't let it bother me too much, but next time, tell your guy that your past made you who you are and just give him the basics, NO DETAILS, NO NUMBERS. Leave it at that.

Once you tell, they never let you forget it, believe me, even if they've had triple the amount of partners. It's a Pandora's box that can never be closed again.




Edited 5/22/2004 9:46 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

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