need suggestions?? no real sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
need suggestions?? no real sex
3
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 7:42am
My husband of 6 years will not perform oral sex at all. He use to (occasionally, not much though) before our dd was born. He says that since seeing her born he can't, it makes him sick feeling just the thought of it. Also, while i was pregnant he barely wanted sex, he said i felt big (which ok, i am normally 118 lbs and went up to 136, which is a very small pregnant woman) He said my clitoris was bigger than normal. He makes me feel bad about myself and when we do have sex now, its basically over in 3 min and has been this way for a long, long, time unless he has been drinking and then he wants anal sex, which i despise. I was in a relationship for 9 years (from 16 to 24) with a man i had the best sex with and that was all the relationship was though, but i can't stop thinking about the sex i had with my ex. My husband is wonderful as a husband and father, provides well, works hard and is overall very giving and loving to me, but the sex is just awful. I love him and he does turn me on but i just get nothing out of it and he does no foreplay at all and also makes me feel insecure about myself sexually. Back to my ex, he loved oral sex with me, and couldn't get enough of me. My dh on the other hand, once every two weeks for 3 min is enough for him. I don't know if i can live without a good sexual relationship. I love sex and i know i get very moody from not having it. I feel like i am totally deprived and i am 31 years old and don't want to waste the rest of my youth not having good sex. I don't want to cheat and destroy my child's life either. I have talked to him and basically i get know where. Help from a deprived wife!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 7:53am
hello sweety, search for Elsie Sutton site on the internet and you will have him doing flips for you. luv ya
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 8:03am
can't find elsie sutton site??????
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 12:05pm
Honey, I'm sorry but it does seem that you married a jerk. At least in the bedroom. I'm sorry, but from what you decribed, that's what I feel. At the very least, he is being terribly thoughtless and inconsiderate of your feelngs.

No loving and caring husband would deliberately TRY to make his wife feel insecure about her body or undeserving of pleasure. Has he always been selfish in bed or did this happen after you had your daughter? Many men become squeamish after witnessing childbirth, but overcome it with some time and effort. After all, how many women become nauseous the first few times they attempt fellatio? LOL!

Talk with him again, tell him that you are being tempted to cheat because of this negligence and ask for what you want with reasonable expectations. I mean, if he never enjoyed performing cunnilingus, then it's not realistic to expect him to jump at the chance now, is it? But I believe in compromise and he should be willing to do that.

I would also suggest marital counseling. It sounds like you two need a mediator since he doesn't seem to feel that you need or deserve sexual pleasure as he does. 3min. for him every 2 weeks? Come on. Ask him to put himself in your place and try to understand what feeling unattractive to you would feel like.

One thing's for sure, you two need to learn to communicate more effectively and learn how to resolve these differences or your frustration WILL drive you away. There's no doubt about that. I wish you all the best....you're going to need it, I'm afraid.


Edited 5/23/2004 12:12 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001