BF Has Difficulty Having (O) During Sex
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BF Has Difficulty Having (O) During Sex
| Mon, 05-24-2004 - 8:36pm |
My BF cannot seem to achieve an orgasm while we make love until and unless I reach down there with my hand and stroke his balls and the area right behind them. I orgasm every time we make love but that doesn't bring him to orgasm (as I am used to with my one other partner I have had). He has an orgasm if I give him oral sex very easily and fairly quickly (10-15min). He seems to really be into it while we are having sex and seems to always be close to climax but until I touch him and even then it seems to take a fairly long time (we are talking about 45min to an hour every time we have sex) he just doesn't. He is self conscious about his body and is always asking me for affirmation that he turns me on, that I like his body, that I enjoy sex with him, etc. (I have always given him an abundance of reassurance and positive feedback)....could these issues be the reason or could there be more to this?
As a side note, because I don't know if it has anything to do with it, he does not attain an erection by touching me. It does not happen until I stroke him down there. Do some men just need extra touch stimulation for arousal to heighten? Or do you think something else is going on physically or psychologically?
Any input will be greatly appreciated!
Brin

Sometimes when a man is having a difficult time orgasming during intercourse, it is due to a trust issue. Since orgasm is a very "opening" experience, it can be intimidating to someone withn these problems. First, know that the trust issues have nothing to do with you, and you are currently handling things with him VERY well. As Jeephead mentioned, counseling can help with this, and it's always a good idea, however, he has to make that decision on his own or it won't work.
The best thing that you can do for him right now is to simply love him as he is, be supportive and compassionate. Love and compassion are ultimately what heals everything, and that gift to him will be the greatest one that he can receive, and the greatest thing that you can give.
Peace.
Scott.
What you're describing doesn't sound that out of the ordinary to me. Oftentimes, my DH will take a long time during intercourse, as well, until I stimulate his perineum and scrotum. I don't think that's unusual at all. It's just that little "ooomph" they need to get them over the edge.
And the fact that he doesn't get an immediate erection means nothing either. After a certain age, MOST men need manual or oral stimulation to get them fully erect.
Since he seems to need a lot of encouragement and reassurance, it's possible that someone in his past has made disparaging remarks about his body and he's hanging onto to them. We ALL need some reassurance occasionally though so I don't think this is strange either.
In the end though, nothing you've described sounds strange or very problematic, just different than what you're used to.
Edited 5/25/2004 4:04 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
Kat,
You really hit the nail on the head here. My BF is 40, and before me he did not have a partner for 7 years, so there was a lot of time in there for him to become "trained" in pleasuring himself. Also, the last woman he was with before me did not enjoy sex and told him so, even though he tried everything he could think of to get her interested. So you were right again because he did tell me that this was a huge blow to his self esteem because he thought he was inadequate to excite her.
I will continue to be there for him in every way he desires. Thanks all.
Brin
My story is similar to yours, as I've posted it before, here it goes.
"My boyfriend loves sex, just like me. We are very active sexualy, but most of the times he doesn't come when he's penetrating me. I (sometimes himself) masturbate him until orgasm, and I'm starting to be upset by this, because I would like him to cum inside of me, not to my hand.
I really don't know what to think about this, if it's psychological, or if I'm over lubricated and the friction in my vagina isn't enough for him to cum.
I love him, and love to have sex with him in every way, but I'm starting to get a little bit worried...
Am I crazy? "
Sometimes he cums inside me, others it has to be by masturbating. In my two prior relationships, it wasn't like this. They would cum with BJ and intercourse easily. My current bf is wonderfull in everything he does to me and I really love him, but can't help being a little bit upset by this, and yes, thinking it can be my fault. But I know it is not! As it isn't your's either.
I think we just have to be patient and enjoy ourselves.
Hugs and kisses from dibi