Both virgins--erection problems
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| Thu, 05-27-2004 - 6:45pm |
Tuesday night, I told him I'd been thinking about intercourse, and I was ready. We had a long discussion about it (we were both raised by strictly religious, abstinence-til-marriage homes). So last night, after about an hour of foreplay (kissing, manual, oral, during which I'd already orgasmed a couple of times), I told him I wanted to have sex. We tried for the next hour or so, but no matter what we did, he couldn't keep an erection long enough to do it. Once he got hard enough to put on a condom, but as soon as he was about to enter me, he lost it again. He was able to masturbate himself to orgasm then, but I guess he didn't really get hard enough for intercourse.
I'm not sure if I should be concerned or not. This happened the first time I masturbated him and the first time I fellated him, too--he was so nervous that he kept losing his erection. I'm hoping that's all it us--performance anxiety and nervousness. I know he can get really hard and I've seen him masturbate and I've fellated him to orgasm more than once. So, I don't think it's a physical thing.
Since we're both inexperienced, I'm not sure what to say to him when this kind of thing happens. I've tried to reassure him, telling him I'll help any way he wants me to, continuing to kiss and fondle him even when he goes soft. But I'm scared that I'm making him feel worse--any recommendations on what to say and how to act to let him know that I still think he's wonderful and sexy? Because once he starts worrying, that sure doesn't help. We're going to try again on Friday night--what can I do to help him relax, to not worry, so that we can (hopefully) have sex?

The best thing to do if he goes soft is to not make a big issue of it. Just say "yeah I need a break too. That was great honey. Wow you really got my heart going with fill in the blank." and lay off for like an hour. It sounds to me like he is too nervous, and now he knows that you expect it from him he will be even more nervous.
On friday dont go with the attitude like " we are going to have sex or at least try to" dont plan it like that just go with the moment.
He might be nervous abotu the condom too. Make sure that you both know how to put it on and use it. make it as sexy as you can. help him put it on.
let me know how it goes.
jaime
IMO, perform fellatio or manual sex to his penis; DON'T let him ejaculate. Leave him hanging for completion. Eventually, he should want to rip your clothes off. Please keep us informed & Good Luck, Mac
Sounds like performance anxiety since he has no problem in other ways.
Make no plans and set no time for intercourse, allow it to happen as a natural progression from your normal intimacy. And when he knows that YOU have no expectations, he should be fine.
But talk again and make sure that he's absolutely certain that he's ready to go to this level. His body may be trying to tell you both something. IF he's not ready yet, then wait until he is.