Why do guys put pressure

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Why do guys put pressure
9
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:00pm
me again. that jerk that i broke up with is spreading word around the crowd about how i wouldn't allow him to cum all over my face. how i didn't like to shave down there and how i wouldn't do anal(I told him that i might eventually). i'm so embarrassed; to think i thought i really liked this guy. the guys were ridiculing me into feeling as though I have to do these things for future men or else i'm not cool. i feel like I have to learn to like these things because all or most guys like them. did any of you ever feel such a push to do things from the crowd or else?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:06pm

Oh hon - many, many women don't do those things - myself included.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:11pm
He's just being immature, most little boys watch to much porn and think thats what sex is all about. If you had done those things he would still be out talking about how he degraded you.


Edited 6/2/2004 6:14 pm ET ET by luverboy2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:29pm
Okay. I don't know how old you are, but MOST girls don't like and would not like to have a guy climax on their face. Some women do, but I would think the majority of women out there don't enjoy it. I know, I don't, but I tolerate it for my hubby's enjoyment. (But that's probably not a very good thing to do - and that's probably why we are headed into sex counseling!) You should not feel pressured by this group of guys to do anything to be cool. What do they know? They sound like a group of very young, horny, immature boys.

Find a new group of friends!

Edited to correct that to "immature" boys.


Edited 6/2/2004 7:14 pm ET ET by tiana_rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:36pm
Why do guys use pressure like this? Because it usually works, that's why! They've got you thinking that if you won't do these things, there's something wrong with you, and you'll have to do them if you want to keep a guy.

I have news for you! If a guy really LIKES and RESPECTS you, he'll never ask you to do anything you're uncomfortable with. It's called respecting yourself, and not allowing yourself to be harassed or coerced into doing anything you don't want to do.

It's called "peer pressure"....the need to "conform". If you have self respect, and self esteem, you don't need to do what "everyone else" does, and trust me, most of them DON'T do it.

Chances are, if you'd done EVERYTHING he wanted you to do, you would have broken up anyway, and he'd still have had nasty things to say about you. It's because HE has a problem.

If the subject comes up again.....tell these "guys" to mind their own business.....or you could always counter with your own nasty remarks.....Like, he's got a TEEEENY....nah, just kidding. Take the high road, and don't let the jerk or his friends get to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:57pm

No, you don't have to do any of those things for future men or for anyone.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:51pm
You need to find a MATURE guy!

You need to TALK to a prospective sexual partner and explain your sexual boundaries. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. The guy you wrote about wanted you for ONLY his gratification.

In all my dating years, I have NEVER talked about what happens between me and the woman I am/was with. Mac

 

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 11:50pm
Nope, never have, truthfully. My friends expected me to make up my OWN mind about what I would and wouldn't do with a guy. Personally, I think you need to lose these "friends" of yours and find some new ones.

Ultimately, it's YOU who has to be able to face yourself in the mirror everyday, so who cares what other people think?

And BTW, start practicing the phrase "none of your damn business" so that you'll be prepared when someone asks you what you plan to do with your new lover!

There IS such a thing as TOO much information.


Edited 6/3/2004 12:30 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 9:10am
O.K. Kiddo. Here is some advice from a male perspective. Get new friends. These people that you hang with need to get a life. And you need to get a good look at yourself, and your wants, needs, etc. Go out for a day, and completely pamper yourself, and next time someone tells you that he has told them this or that, just tell them in every honesty that this is the smallest man you have ever seen. He had no talent, no respect, and should stick to sex with holes in the wall. He has no respect for anyone, and needs to get his testicles put in a vice grip for a bit, if everything you have said is the truth. I mean, god, I have done some bad things to my girlfriends, but nothing close to the things you have said that he did to you. He needs to grow up, and his friends need to either see him for what he is, A SCUMBAG worthy of nothing, and dis him completely. And you my dear, need to get someone who will treat you the way a woman is supposed to be treated. With respect, dignity, and most of all, LOVE. I only wish good things for you from here on out. Get out of this "circle of Friends" you are in, and get some new ones. Tell them all to go......... Sorry. LOL Carried away here. I just cannot stand people like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 3:03pm
Do you mind if I ask how old you are? I can't imagine any mature friends teasing you.

And the one previous poster was right -- this guy was a jerk and you were going to break up any way. Would you rather have him saying "I broke up with her because she wouldn't let me do degrading things to her" or would you rather have him brag to his friends, "Yeah, I used that slut, I came on her face and banged her in the ass?"

I clearly think his current comments are the better of the two. And chances are, his friends RESPECT you for your decision even if they have to act macho and tease you.

With the right, caring guy, you may find you enjoy some of these acts -- but first find the right guy. Then explore the boundaries.