He didn't cum...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
He didn't cum...
14
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:39pm
This is a first for me...I had sex last night with this guy I have been dating for a few months and everything was great but this morning when we had sex, he didn't cum. That's never happened before. Not sure if it was because of him or me. I felt like I didn't do something right,it was good just like the other times but he didn't cum. Has that happened to you? Can you explain to me why didn't he cum??

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:14pm
I understand your concern but it truly does happen to every guy once in a while and it's NOT your fault. His orgasm is HIS responsibility.

And just as women may not orgasm right away with a new partner, until they feel comfortable about asking for what they need, men are the same.

Anxiety, nerves and distraction are likely the culprit in this case BUT it's not up to you to do anything about it. Let him handle it until he asks for your help.

I wouldn't bring it up unless it seems to happen every time. Then, you might ask what he likes or what you can do to make sex more enjoyable for him BUT the odds are, he'll say that he is happy. Time usually takes care of the problem though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:22pm
Thanks for your reply!

The only thing is this wasn't the first time we had sex so it wasn't nerves for him. We have had sex for the past couple of months but this is the first time he didn't cum that's why I was surprised and confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:33pm
Sometimes if you have sex the night before, a man cannot climax while having sex in the early morning. Other times, he can. I wouldn't worry about it at all. (I mean, as long as he climaxed the night before, right?) No worries. My hubby enjoys morning sex, but I'm not always up for it, so sometimes I don't climax and he will or vice versa.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:36pm
True, I guess I was just worried because it hasn't happened before, he always cums. Guess I shouldn't worry so much!

Thanks!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:39pm
As I said, it happens to every man occasionally, just as it does for women. Don't worry about it unless it begins happening regularly. Distraction, stress, fatigue, meds. alcohol, many, many things can cause delayed or aborted ejaculation for men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 7:05pm
That's funny you mentioned that, he has been stressed and tired from work and not feeling that great. I guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions that it has something to do with me or him not being into me.

Thanks for your help, I feel so much better! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 6:31am
Exactly what didn't he do? He didn't reach climax, or he didn't ejaculate? If he didn't have enough "refractory" time between the session of the night before.....he might have climaxed, but not ejaculated. There's not a man in the world that doesn't have the occasional "failure" just as there isn't a woman in the world who might be multiorgasmic that occasionally doesn't have an orgasm.

But guess what, when he DOES finish okay, it has nothing to do with you, or what you did or didn't do for him, and when he "fails".......it ALSO has nothing to do with you. Please understand that all of this is under HIS control, and has nothing to do with you, or how he feels about you. The same goes for erections. All men have occasional problems with that, too....so the first time it happens with you, don't freak out, and don't start blaming yourself.....it's human nature, it happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 12:02pm
Hello Smiley,

Indeed you should not jump to conclusions that reflect on your adequacy as a lover. You should consider, although I know it may be hard to believe, that orgasm for a man is not necessarily the only reason for lovemaking.

The explanation may be a bit complicated, but I'll try. My current g/f has expressed the same insecurity as you decribe when I don't have an orgasm. There are a mulitude of reasons why I may not. I don't think, at least for me it has anything to do with the frequency of sex. More often than not, it is simply that I am so into her (accidental pun) that I'm just not thinking about my orgasm. And she gets worn out from her orgasms and asks to stop. Other times I get so hot and sweaty,.....I have to stop and cool off.

Sometimes I will orgasm in seconds,...sometimes minutes, sometimes hours,.....and sometimes not at all. Does this sound familiar? Most women I have known are much

the same.

And to be honest, I must admit that I am a bit insecure if my partner is having difficulty with her orgasm. That in itself is enough to restrain mine.

I guess my point is that lovemaking should be just that. Making love. If your guy doesn't cum,.....kiss him,...wrap yourself around him and relax. He will be back.

My warm regards,........John


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 1:15pm
Here is what I do not understand with women, my SO included. Why is it that when you women do not orgasm you want us to not act any differently or tell us that everything is O.K. but when the reverse happens, or we are not interested for whatever reason you seem to freak out over it, and start having issues. We are men. We are not machines. We respond to many things in life just as you women do. When my SO does not orgasm from our sex play I feel terrible. But I accept it and move on. I just try again the next time around, or I spend some extra time after I am finished to please her. Here for a while I have had erectile dysfunction, and she has taken it to mean that she is not good enough for me anymore and that I no longer find her attractive, which is not true on both counts. Issues come up in everyday life that kill sexual response, and it is not necessarily anything you are doing, or for that matter that he is aware of. It just happens from time to time. Understanding that is the first step. Him finding out what it is that is troubling him, or what is interferring with his pleasure is his job, as it was mine. But your getting upset by it, or overly worried will only make the issue worse. It did me. And it still is bothering me. Once I figure it out, I still need her help to fix it. She has to want to please me, and not be doing anything out of obligation, or duress. There is nothing in the world worse than feeling like your SO is so nervous or upset about something she is doing. Just let it go. It may not happen again for a very long time. If it starts happening everyday, then ask him about it, or have him get checked out. Other than that, let it go, and continue to compliment him on what he has done to you, regardless of the out come for him.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 3:19pm
Wow, that departure didn't last long, Jeep! What happened?

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