begging for some help!
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| Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:20pm |
My boyfriend and I are young (only in our early 20s). We have been going out for a little over half a year. Well, recently I've sensed that he has been having trouble getting aroused for sex. I think it is because we are so used to each other and just do not get as aroused because we already know what to expect. We have been having sex mostly twice a day (on a scheduled basis...we would plan to do it twice), and decided that maybe it is best if we switch to having sex whenever we feel like it instead of making it a scheduled task. However, it still takes him awhile to get aroused (even when I give him oral). It has never taken that long, but continues to grow in length...which makes it less enjoyable for me since my arms begin to kill me after awhile. I really want our sex life to be as great as it first was, and it seems way too early for us to be in a sex rut. We are very serious and plan on staying together forever, but I just don't want this to continue and hurt our relationship. Can anyone please help with any advice? I'd really appreciate it. I really don't know how to solve this. Thanks so much in advance!

But IF he's taking a long time to become aroused, then he's not really in the mood.
Pressure, stress, meds. fatigue, family issues, etc. etc etc. can affect libido, no matter how attracted you are to your partner so maybe a short break is in order.
It's not really realistic to expect sex twice a day forever, even though all new couples go through that "honeymoon phase."
And BTW, age has nothing to do with libido. My DH and I are in our 40's and we still average between 3-6 times a week, depending on our schedules. Whatever works for both of you is what's normal, regardless of your ages. Maybe you're subconsciously trying to live up to some preconceived frequency standard that's unrealistic for him.
In any case, ALL couples have to find a mutually satisfying compromise on frequency because few, if any, come to the relationship with exactly the same sex drive.
Edited 6/3/2004 6:57 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
I have experienced this before myself. Most of us men will experience it at some point in our lives and whenever you are about to do it you tend to think about the last time and whether you'll be able to 'get it' up this time. This delays it even more. Tell him to try not to think about it if that's what he is doing, even though its not that easy.
Finally, as the last person said...other factors such as stress, work, family etc etc can also affect things. Above all, get him to talk to you so that your are sharing anything that is playing on the mind.
I consider myself very high libido, but even that would get old after awhile!!
I think waiting til you're in the mood is a really really good idea! :P
Edited 6/3/2004 7:17 pm ET ET by vanillatangerine
I can understand his slowness......since he probably feels like a performing monkey...."oh, oh, it's time to perform again....." There is such a thing as being obsessive, or anal retentive when it comes to getting things done.....and he may not be into that kind of obsessiveness...and he's having trouble trying to keep to your schedule.
Wouldn't it be MUCH nicer to have sex 2-3 times a week, like MOST people do, and KNOW that it's because he wants to do it, not because it's on the schedule for 7PM?
In most good relationships.....sex is spontaneous.....it may not happen for several days......and then it happens....and I'm sure the participants enjoy it a LOT more than if they were "scheduled" to do it twice daily.
Why not get rid of that schedule, and tell your b/f that sex is off until he's ready and willing. Let him initiate on his own schedule. Let him feel like a man, not a robot.
I have to also ask, why are you having "planned" sex twice a day.
Planning it ruins it. Maybe not for you, but maybe for him.
Try not to have sex with him for about a week. In the meantime, do some research and find a new sex position that you never tried, or buy a fun toy or food that you can use during sex. The main idea is . . . withold sex for a while, and when you finally DO have sex again, do something different.
Best of luck.