Ok... new here and need some help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ok... new here and need some help
5
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 11:42am

Well this is going to be strange considering I already have 4 kids, but when it comes to sex, I don't really know much. I have only been with 3 guys in my lifetime and I am now 34. Don't even ask me about the different names of positions. LOL

~ Rhonda

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 11:56am
Welcome to the board. You sound like most of us. Married, too busy and too tired to take much time for ourselves. As a married mother myself, my recommendation would be to pencil yourself back in on the calender.

Sex will take care of itself if you make time for yourself EVERY day so that you feel good about yourself again. That's where it all starts.

Join a gym, take a daily walk, do something for yourself to put you back on the priority list again. Exercise raises your serotonin level, making you feel more confident and at peace. That will translate to better self esteem and more sexual energy. Buy some sexy lingerie that makes YOU feel sexy and desirable. Wear perfume/makeup every day, not just for special occasions.

Set aside an hour, at least, for yourself daily and take the time to remember who you are as an individual. Begin taking care of YOU and you'll begin thinking about and desiring more from your sex life.

And check out all the boards and links on IVillage for more sex tips and information.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:00pm
I think your best starting point in improving your sex life is improving your self image. Nothing can make up for the sexiness of confidence.

1. Look in the mirror and access your best features.

2. Start a regular physical routine if you don't already have one. This is not about losing weight (if you don't need it) but staying toned and active. Maybe find other moms in the neighborhood you can walk with. Physical activity effects improves your mood and confidence.

3. Take time regularly for yourself to recharge and feel you are something other than "mom" and do something physical/sensual (i.e. bath, massage, yoga).

Learning different techniques is relatively easy, since you have a partner and access to tons of info on the web. It's the internal work that makes most of the difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 4:59pm
Kat and Sugar,

I am so glad that you two mentioned the importance of regular exercise in revitalizing and energizing your sex life. When I see those Viagra commercials , I always think that what we're talking here is a problem with blood circulation, right? And all Viagra does is increase the blood flow. How about doing some regular cardio-vascular exercise? This would probably increase blood flow without the side effects of the pills. Make you feel better, sexier, and have more stamina, too.

taoist.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 8:04am
>>I am so glad that you two mentioned the importance of regular exercise in revitalizing and energizing your sex life. <<

Don't forget getting some rest, eating well, and getting those stress levels down too!

I'm glad that this has been mentioned too. This is something that we over look a lot of the time when people ask how to improve their sex lives.

Nothing makes you feel more like blobbing out than eating badly and not exercising! And if you feel like blobbing out how on earth are you going to feel like having great sex? I know that when I took up mountainbiking a few years back after being in a job/lifestyle where I was eating badly and not exercising, I didn't just find a sport I enjoyed. I found that my whole day (and sexlife) changed because I just felt better and more energetic both the same day and the day after.

As to the OP's question, I think that you have to make some time to pamper yourself and 'prepare' for sex too. Time out where you can feel sexy - be it time shopping to buy some clothes or lingerie, browsing the boards here for sexy ideas, time at a beautician getting hair and other body parts pampered, time together as a couple, or time arranging the bedroom for a sexy evening, it doesn't matter. Thinking about sex and feeling sexy even before you have sex is really important.

If you know that your husband thinks that you're sexy that's half the battle won. He's convinced, you just have to convince yourself now too. I think that the importance of communication can't be understated either. If you can talk to your husband about sex and share thoughts and ideas easily, then other erotic and sexy ideas come from that.

Taoist, I'm not sure how the exercise would effect the bloodflow to the penis. Viagra has a pretty powerful and specific effect that I doubt exercise alone can duplicate. Sure, being healthy and exercising will help with stamina and overall wellbeing but probably not in the same, very specific, way that Viagra can.

Having said that; if you're taking Viagra because you're, say, unfit and obese then i think that exercise and shedding pounds has got to be better than popping pills.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:02pm
I know of several very physically fit and trim men who suffer from ED, so blood flow to the penis won't necessarily benefit from regular exercise or a healthy diet. Particularly if the exercise of choice is a saddle sport, like bicycling, which can compress and permanently damage nerves and blood vessels in the scrotum. And we haven't even mentioned the emotional issues that can affect performance and response.

But rather than immediately turn to drugs, which always have some side effects and risks, why not try the easiest, most commonsensical solutions first?