Need help!! Question on how to give bj

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Need help!! Question on how to give bj
14
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 4:45pm
Hey everyone:

Recently my bf has asked if I would go down on him. I'm a virgin,so right now the only thing I've done is give him a hj. He was the first guy i ever did that with. I told him I didnt know,that it freaked me out. He said he doesnt want me to do anything to make me feel uncomfortable or pressured. He was the first guy that ever went down on me. I feel like such a dork,cause I dont know that much. He's very patient w/me,but gets frustrated sometimes. I didnt even know how to give him a hj,he showed me and then i got him off. So I'd like to know how or have some tips on how to give him oral,when i'm ready to. Could u share what it was like for u when u first gave a guy a bj? It'll put my mind at ease,knowing I'm not the only one whos gone through this before! And should we use a condom? Please I need advice!!!

precious042398

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 4:56pm
Hon, he showed you how to please him manually, and if you decide you want to give him fellatio, he can show you how to do that, as well. Every man is different and what my DH likes, your guy may not. We all have our preferences.

The basics of oral sex are pretty straightforward for men. You're just mimicking intercourse with your mouth. You kiss, lick and suck on his erection but everything else is up to the recipient. Ask him to guide you in pleasing him and you'll feel confident in your ability in no time. I promise.

However, don't feel pressured or compelled to do this until you feel ready and willing, otherwise, you could come away feeling very negative and unhappy with the whole thing.

Now, I certainly hope he intends to reciprocate and provide YOU with the same favor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 12:26am
Of course you're not the only one who was apprehensive about it. EVERY woman is nervous at first. You were nervous about touching him, and who told you how to do it? HE DID! And he's the one who will instruct you now, too. WHEN you're ready! He sounds like a nice guy that is not pressuring you......but since he's doing it for you, and you're enjoying it, there's no reason you can't do it for him.

When you're ready, tell him so, and ask him to guide you. He'll be MORE than happy to do that. The reason you have to ask him is because only HE knows what he likes. There are so many different variations.......faster, slower, looser, tighter, etc, and every guy likes something different. The one thing that MOST of them hate, or even fear, is you hurting them with your teeth....and that's easy to take care of, keep your lips over your teeth.

In the future, if you're with another man, you'll have to ask him too, what he likes and doesn't like, because every man is different, and no matter how many partners you have, you'll have to find out from every one of them what he wants from you.

As for condoms.....if he's been with other women, then unless he's been tested, you should use one, because STD's can be spread orally as well as vaginally.

If you wait till you're ready, and you do it because you WANT to, not because you feel obligated to, you'll learn to love it.....because it's a wonderful feeling knowing that you can give him so much pleasure this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 2:29am
As the others have said, don't feel bad about it. Don't forget that your b/f probably isn't an expert about everything either!



Talking to him is the main thing. He'll be thrilled when he realises that he can get you to give him a BJ exactly how he likes it.

As already said, you're basically using your mouth, lips and tongue to simulate intercourse. Start simply and slowly. Just get used to having his penis in your hands and in your mouth. Get used to the taste and the feel of it. Start by licking the sides and the head and the tip. Try slow long licks, and short fast ones. Rub your lips around and over it. Put just the tip between your lips and slowly lick the tip. Try putting the head into your mouth and run your tongue around it.

Your b/f will be able to give you some other pointers but once yor used to it and ready to try it, you can put his penis into your mouth and kinda bob your head up and down so that your lips and mouth slide up and down his penis. It's a mouthful!

Some other tips off the top of my head:

You don't need to try to put all of his penis in your mouth for it to feel great for him.

Use lots of saliva. It feels best if he's wet and slippery.

No teeth. Keep your lips over your teeth.

Use a free hand to grasp the shaft outside your mouth firmly, or stroke his testicles. Using your hands lots is all part of a good BJ.

Be firm with your movements. Sucking firmly is good.

Decide now whether or not you want him to cum in your mouth and whether or not you will try swallowing it. If you are happy for him to cum in your mouth you might want to try tasting it a few times. It can be awkward to handle if without gagging if you're not confident that you know what you're doing. If you don't want him to cum in your mouth, tell him and tell him to tell you when he's about to cum so that you can take him out of your mouth and continue to give him a HJ to finish him off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 1:51pm
It IS weird and awkward giving your first BJ. Just do what comes natural - that's what I did. Think of his penis like a Tootsie lollypop! Think of how you put that lollypop in your mouth and how you lick it and suck on it. I've never given a BJ while the guy is wearing a condom and wouldn't. Ick. That would be an awful experience and taste horrible! Whether it's flavored or not. However, that would be playing it safe. If you love him and he loves you, he will understand your being nervous.

Believe me, once you take him in your mouth, he'll be on Cloud 9. Don't worry about, relax, enjoy and think about that lollypop!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 2:47pm
i am loving the responses you have gotten so far. first of all, whoever said you need to decide now if you will let him come in your mouth is right. and you should tell him. i would suggest getting used to the idea of giving him oral at all first before you go into having him cum in your mouth and you swallow. let me tell you, with the guy i started doin gthis with, he always made me pull off before he would go and he would finish it. with my current bf, my first experience with him going in my mouth was interesting....i actually felt shameful and embarassed b/c i didn't really know what i was doing and he ended up coming all over my fave and body by accident b/c i wasn't expecting him to go. it's ok if you have these experiences; i realize that these are growing experiences that you can look back at and laugh, and it really can bring you closer together as long as you are ready for the experience.

now for giving bjs, my usual time is what my bf likes but i will tell you anyway generally. i usually start by teasing him by licking the tip in different ways, like hard and soft and short strokes and long circular strokes. after he's begging for more i start in and put the whole head in my mouth and play with that for a bit. then i start with the in and out movements. I try to do some deep movements so he's happy, but really i just use my hands and hold some fingers around the base of the shaft and move them along with my head so that it feels like i'm doing more. this is really good if you have a sensitive gag reflex.

that's about it. hope this helps, and remember to make sure you are ready. but just rememberthat really the only thing you can do wrong is to use your teeth, and when you are doing it remember what it feels when he does it to you, and just imagine what you are doing to him!

sandra

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 3:11pm
Oh gosh, I completely agree with you. Having your man climax in your mouth is not fun at all and especially if you're new to giving BJ's. I think he's really pushing things if he wants to cum in your mouth right off the bat! Sheesh! It could keep you from EVER enjoying giving oral to a man. When it first happened to me, I hated it and I still do actually. It feels demeaning. I know some women like it, even love it, but I'm not one of them. I am going to be talking about this issue in my counseling as well. I let my hubby cum in my mouth to please him, but it really is nasty. Inside me, on my breasts, okay. In my mouth and on my face, No.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 3:30pm
Tiana I know what you mean. Actually, most of my friends refuse to give bjs at all, and if they do there is no way they would let it go in their mouths much less swallow. For me, it took a lot of getting used to, and I ended up not hating it because I realized how much better it is for the guy if you let him go off inside your mouth, just like if you let him go inside you during intercourse verses pulling out. So I think if women are afraid of him going in their mouths, they just need to realize that it takes practice and most likely failure before you understand the best way to go about it. for instance, when i am servicing my guy i am always on top because in the past when i've been on bottom i almost choke on his ejaculation. when i am on top, it can squirt in my mouth, go down with gravity, then when i am ready and my gag reflex is calmed down, i can swallow.

and another thing, if it's something you really really hate, then you should have that as a limit with your guy. like you said tiana, i think a guy giving a facial is really shamefull and demeaning, but i would probably be open if he wanted to do it on my chest or something, though he has never done so. also, i don't let my guy push my head down when i am giving him oral. those are two of my biggest limits, besides anal sex which i am in no way ready or willing to do.

oh, and most of my friends are afraid to give bjs because of the swallowing issue. i tried to teach them how to do it without error or discomfort, but i know there is a stigma also.

sandra

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 3:35pm
Yes, perhaps R and I can compromise, lol. He can climax in my mouth, but not hold my head and face. It's terrible to choke and gag - how erotic can that be for him to see? Not very, IMO. I could tolerate him climaxing in my mouth if I were to be in the position you stated. I would have more control over his, ahem, penis. AND he would get his way as well. I really enjoy giving him BJ's though. I've always enjoyed doing that for the men I've been with actually.

I will bring the compromising up in counseling. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 4:04pm
Good points. I think that there are men who do enjoy seeing the gagging and everything, and these are the men that get off by exerting their power over women, and htey are the ones who tend to abuse women in different ways. If you don't like it then he shoudn't force it on you.

And yes, you are right. Being on top allows you to pull away if it gets to be too much.

Sandra

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2004
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 1:18am
I am newly seperated and have no clue on how to go down on my new boyfried,

please help.

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