lack of sex is driving me crazy......

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
lack of sex is driving me crazy......
5
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 1:01pm
or is it just me? I'm new to the board but am so relieved I found it. Here's my story I gave birth 6 weeks ago to twins. So my sex life has been not existing for months, but now I'm back to myself and wanting my DF more than ever but he doesn't seem to really be interested. He works alot and blames that on his low sex drive but I think it's something more. We went away for a weekend over memorial day and I figured this would be the perfect time for us to be intimate boy was I wrong all he wanted to do was go out and get drunk and fell asleep rubbing on which he found amusing the next day needless to say I didn't find it so amusing. I know sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship but it is important. I'm not a sex addict or anything like that I just want to be intimate with the person I love once in a while. I understand me being pregnant grossed him out but that's all over and I bounced back pretty quickly. I was worried about my weight but I lost most of it within the first two weeks and he's put on some weight since I got pregnant so I figured it wouldn't be a big dissappointment if I kept on a couple of pounds but maybe that is the problem. Am I being unreasonable wanting him? I almost feel like I want to leave and have a new life with someone else. I don't know what to do and talking to him is not working. UUUUGGGGGHHHHHH
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 1:53pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 8:30am
He was "grossed out" by your pregnancy? How sad! And you say he works long hours...so that's why he's not interested in sex? Hmmmmm, you have newborn twins.....I think you work longer hours than he does (and I'll bet without any help from him, either!) and you're still interested in sex! That's a cop out, and so is getting drunk and falling asleep on your week-end away. He has some issues, and it's a lot more serious than you gaining a couple of pounds during pregnancy.

If he won't talk to you.....then you need to bring in a 3rd party......a counsellor. If he won't go.....then you go alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 1:28pm
I agree, seek counseling. Don't give up so quickly. You don't want to rush to becoming a single mother with two new babies...your hormones are probably still adjusting postpartum right now too, so don't do anything radical now. Work this out...I'll bet that you can.

Like the others asked, did he say he was grossed out by your pregnancy? Was he there during the birth? Some men have a problem with seeing the process, what came out of "there" and what it looked like...and then readjusting their thinking and their desires back to the way they felt about you and your genitals (and maybe even your breasts if you are nursing) before the pregnancy/birth. Sometimes a counselor is needed to guide them in their thought processes about this. He may not be a bad guy, just in need of guidance and facts. Maybe the stress of being a new parent plays into it somewhat, too. I wish the best to you both.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 3:51pm
thanks for your replies...

and for the question everyone is asking no he didn't say I was gross he said having sex with me was gross. Don't know if that's better or worse. He would not touch me while I was pregnant at all. I've tried talking to him about this because it really bothers me but he just tells me he's tired cause he works and blah blah blah. I'm tired to but I still try to make time for us because I know how easy it is to get caught up in other things and then you wonder where the time has gone or you end up growing apart from each other. I just don't understand why he's not loving like he was before I got pregnant. I thought about the whole birthing situation to I had a c-section because I had twins so he didn't see anything because they keep you behind a screen so I'm not sure if that would be it or not. I just wish he would open up to me especially if he's losing interest because I don't want him to stay around just because we have kids. WEll thanks for listening......
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 4:46pm
Are you going to consider counseling? It could be just what you both need to be able to open this up and get it resolved.