Anyone else experienced this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Anyone else experienced this?
3
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 11:37am
Hi, I was wondering if anyone else has had a problem with their H having erection problems? My H can get one, but sometimes has trouble maintaining it. I have had people say maybe its medical but he's 34, not sure he would be having real bad medical problems right now. But then again you never know. He is also a porn addict and have heard that maybe it could stem from that, in the since he feels the need to view others for arousal and that the human flesh is no longer a big turn on. I have read about that, so maybe theres some truth to it. He says he thinks it comes from trying to hard. Could be I guess. Any thoughts on this would be great, thanks.


Hugs to all!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 12:23pm
Hi Firefly. If this happens more often than not, then it's a problem. If it only happens occasionally, then that's normal. Most men will lose an erection because of stress, fatigue, lack of arousal, medications, distraction, etc. LOTS of reasons, at least once in a while.

BUT, if your DH is truly a sex addict, and this isn't just your opinion, and he's lost control over his porn habit, then it's very possible that he's unable to perform without that visual stimulation. And he will require professional help to overcome this addiction, just like any other. I would suggest that you two discuss this and how it can harm your relationship over time. Then, take some steps to find out where he can get help in your area.

Secondly, sexual problems like ED can occur at ANY age and it has more to do with circulation and general health than anything else, as well as emotional/relational health being big factors for many men. So, he does need to talk with a urologist to rule out a physical problem as well.

Tell your DH how you feel about the excessive porn use but confront him in a nonjudgemental but concerned way. You don't want him to become defensive and refuse to discuss it. He needs to know that this addiction can destroy your family if it's not treated. And he also needs to know that you are being neglected sexually while he becomes more entrenched in his habit. Encourage him to get a medical exam and then deal with his problem. Good luck!




Edited 6/15/2004 12:26 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 1:02pm
Hi, thanks for your reply. He knows how I feel about the porn issue which has been going on for almost a year now. I asked him to either go to counseling with me or by himself and he has yet to do so. He did admit he has a problem. However admitting it and seeking help are 2 different things. This only happens from time to time so maybe it is normal. I think to, he starts thinking about it when we do something and he gets it on his mind wondering if it will or wont work and then that may cause it to happen too. I don't under stand what he means when he says he thinks maybe hes trying to hard. Maybe thats either hes trying to hard to achieve an orgasm or he trying to hard just to keep himself aroused period. I'll ask. Also I have been going to counseling myself as far as how to deal with the porn issue. They say he needs to get into counseling as well, that he has some issues that need to be dealt with. Hopefully he will go. Thanks again for your reply.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 4:32pm
His ED may be the result of guilt also. He may realize that he isn't giving you all the attention that he should as a result of his porn use and so his body fails him at those critical moments. Whatever happens, though, keep going to counseling for your own sake. You sound like a bright and intelligent woman so do what you need to to take care of yourself. Hopefully, if he knows that this can harm your marriage, he'll do something about it. Keep the diaglogue going though.

I wish you all the best.