What do you think of this?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
What do you think of this?
24
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:25am
I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who was pretty upset. Heres why----Lastnight her and her DH were fooling around on their sofa one thing led to another and they ended up in the bedroom and she gave him oral sex. He had an orgasm and when she got up to use the bathroom he stayed in bed. She went back to the bedroom and he told her it was great thanks so much then he kissed her and said goodnight and that he loves her. He then rolled over and went to sleep.

She was shocked that he didnt "do her" back and that what he said to her kind of made her feel cheap and sort of used. She ended up watching tv for a while and went to sleep. She said that she was really upset because he has never done anything like this in the past and she doesnt know why he was being so inconsiderate of her feelings and needs. She hasnt yet spoken to him about it as he leaves for work very early(before she gets up).

I really didnt know what to say to her, I mean I do think he should have done the same for her (as she said he usually does). I guess if I were in her situation I would be hurt that his needs were satisfied and mine were completely overlooked and not cared about.

What do you think of this? What should I say to her? We have a lunch date today and I know she will bring this up. We talk about everything, we are very close and I dont want to make it worse for her by saying the wrong things.

Thanks in advance, Toots

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:42am
Here ya go, ready??? LET IT GO. Ask her how many times she has told him she is not interested, or was to tired, "had a headache"???? Give me a break. It is so double standard for a woman to get all upset over something like that, when she does the same exact thing, only without getting anything for free. Look, everyonce in a while it is nice to not have any expectations. Just give, for the sake of giving, and then curl up and go to sleep. I have done it plenty of times. My SO gives me a BJ, and then curls up on my chest to fall asleep, without expecting anything in return. Hey, it happens. It's not fair either way, but who said life was fair. I don't think sex should ever be about what we get from the other, but more about what we give to the other. If we always sit and say oh she did me wrong, or he did me wrong by not returning the favor, then we will always have resentment, and be unsatisfied with our sex lives. But, if we can give, and them relax and enjoy the feelings we get from doing that, our love, and our lives will be better over all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:52am

Could she have given him the impression that she was not in the mood for anything in return when she got up to go to the bathroom?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:57am
I understand what your saying about giving for the sake of giving and not expecting anything in return. However I think my friend was more upset about what he said and how he said it rather than not reciprocating oral sex. As for the comment you made it being so double standard for a woman to get all upset over something like this, I dont understand what you mean by that.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 11:01am
As to the questions you asked about her possibly sending the message that she wasnt in the mood or tired, Im not sure, I really didnt that into it with her.

Thanks for the advice though ,at least Ill kinda know what to say to her.
Avatar for luvmylittleones
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 11:01am
This is my first post here, I have been lurking for to long lol!

My advice would be to drop it. It does not sound like her SO habitually ignores her needs so there really is no issue. Sure I can appreciate her being frustrated but that can be taken care of today or she could have taken care of that last night when he fell asleep. I can gaurantee there has been at least one time he didn't get what he wanted too. IMO you shouldn't give something with the sole goal of receiving in return...just give to give.

Judith

Avatar for luvmylittleones
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 11:05am
If she was offended about being thanked or how she was thanked then I think that aspect should be addressed...he needs to know that he offended her, trust me he won't guess that's what the problem is. Men and women normally guess wrong when trying to figure out what is wrong with the opposite sex, communication is the key.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 11:10am
You know what I mean. When the woman is not in the mood, but the guy is, and she says no, he has to give it up, and go to sleep. Generally there are no hard feeling associated with it. But, when the man says goodnight, he isn't interested, all of a sudden it is some huge blow to the ego or something. That's all I was saying. He said thanks, what's the big deal???
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 11:11am
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 11:18am
You say--"whats the big deal?"--I dont really know what the big deal is, or if there even is a big deal. Thats why I posted, I wanted to know what to say to her. Its not like I can go by any past experiences of my own because Ive never had this happen in my relationship. I never felt the way she does toward my DH and I was looking for a way to talk with her about it seeing as though I know she will bring it up later today.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 11:29am
Like the other poster said, and I did, tell her to let it go. If she was offended by his statement, then she needs to talk to her SO about it. But as for the rest, let it go. It's not worth the trouble, or the guilt that will be placed on the table over it. And, if she is only giving expecting to recieve, than she needs to get her priorities straight!!! That would mean everytime he gives, she has to return the favor. That would be great for him, but she would get tired of it really quick.

Pages