Cause/effect relationship?
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| Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:54pm |
Okay, There was a thread a while back in which the majority of women said that their SO/DH/BF only lasted about 3-5 minutes during intercourse. I've also heard this confirmed by research, though I can't quote the source( maybe Masters and Johnson????).
Then , of course, we all know the statistic that only about 30% of women orgasm from intercourse.
Now, it seems like to me that there might be some kind of cause/effect relationship here, especially since it seems the majority of women require more than 5 minutes of stimulation to orgasm.
Now, many of you will remember my thread on orgasm from intercourse a while back and how a major argument broke out over how much men cared about this and how much they pressured their partners. I was always of the opinion that if the man wanted his woman to orgasm during intercourse, HE was the one to do something about it: stimulating her in other ways first, exploring different positions and movements to maximize clitoral and g-spot stimulation, and most of all, trying to keep it up long enough to get her there.
So, what do you guys think?

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I hope I am answering the question right.
Actually, I tend to disagree with you about it being either partners "job" to give their partner an orgasm. I think that the mentality that the man is supposed to make their partner orgasm is one of the major stumbling blocks to women having them, and men having anxiety during sex. Having said that, I believe a loving partner will do everything in their power to stimulate their partner in such a way to make it condusive to having an orgasm. I know it seems like I'm splitting hairs, but I do think there is an important, if subtle difference.
Also, the idea that men last 3-5 minutes is interesting to me. 99 times out of 100, I outlast my wife. She has usually had two or three orgasms, and is exhausted by the time I have mine. I am no sexual marathon star or anything, it just takes me longer than my wife...always has. Also, I am the one that usually likes foreplay and intercourse to last longer than she does, and she is very sexual and very orgasmic. So I don't know if there any set rules when it comes to men and women and sexual behavior...in fact, my wife likes to have her space after sex, and I kind of like to stay close (LOL)...talk about reversed roles.
Peace.
SCott.
I would agree with your opinion, Taoist. IF this is important to a man, then he needs to be willing to make it more possible for his partner by doing what's necessary. BUT I don't think pressure should ever be part of the picture. Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable, and that, to me, means no preconceived notions or ideas about performance. Enjoy it for what it is each time. Free one another from those constraints.
I accept that my DH may last 10 minutes one time and 20 the next. As long as we're both happy at the end of the experience, who cares when and how we each orgasmed?
Edited 6/16/2004 5:32 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
My husband is the way Scott described himself, very long lasting and very willing to get me going in different ways even before intercourse. Having an orgasm before intercourse is a sure way to give me a vaginal orgasm afterward.
Having said that , I'm like you. My DF always orgasms faster than I do.I was amazed at the 3-5 min. number since it takes me 10-15 minutes and sometimes more. Fortunately she has no trouble with having multiples while I'm getting there.
taoist
My hubby can very easily bring me to climax through oral stimulation. Same with his fingers. I can climax even easier if he's bangs me with two fingers. Within a couple minutes, I'm climaxing. So with him knowing that, he will first have me climax THEN he does what he needs to do for himself. Sometimes he will begin intercourse right afterwards, other times, he will want to play around some more - or have me play with him.
It doesn't matter if I dont' climax when he is inside me. It feels wonderful and I've already climaxed anyway. If I do climax once again while he's inside me, then great. I've not climaxed AT ALL during some of our lovemaking sessions - where he is inside me only and not playing around so much and I still feel greatly satisfied.
It's not ALL about cuming (for the man, yes) - not ALWAYS for the ladies. At least not for me. It's rare my hubby just "does me" without playing around first though.
Leticia
< the man wanted his woman to orgasm during intercourse, HE was the one to do something about it>>
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