Cause/effect relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Cause/effect relationship?
22
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:54pm
Okay, Kat, I've been holding back on this one for fear of causing a real stormburst, but it looks like that's just what we need now.

Okay, There was a thread a while back in which the majority of women said that their SO/DH/BF only lasted about 3-5 minutes during intercourse. I've also heard this confirmed by research, though I can't quote the source( maybe Masters and Johnson????).

Then , of course, we all know the statistic that only about 30% of women orgasm from intercourse.

Now, it seems like to me that there might be some kind of cause/effect relationship here, especially since it seems the majority of women require more than 5 minutes of stimulation to orgasm.

Now, many of you will remember my thread on orgasm from intercourse a while back and how a major argument broke out over how much men cared about this and how much they pressured their partners. I was always of the opinion that if the man wanted his woman to orgasm during intercourse, HE was the one to do something about it: stimulating her in other ways first, exploring different positions and movements to maximize clitoral and g-spot stimulation, and most of all, trying to keep it up long enough to get her there.

So, what do you guys think?

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Avatar for luvmylittleones
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:07pm
I am very thankful to have a dh that lasts longer than 3-5 minutes because I think even with foreplay 3-5 minutes would not consistently cut it for me. As far as who should be responsible to help the woman orgasm during intercourse... I think both parties should. A decent amount of foreplay, good positions, perhaps the woman giving her man a bj before sex to help him last longer, the woman or man providing clitoral stimulation during sex and I am sure there are many things that are not coming to mind right now.

I hope I am answering the question right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:20pm
Hi Tao,

Actually, I tend to disagree with you about it being either partners "job" to give their partner an orgasm. I think that the mentality that the man is supposed to make their partner orgasm is one of the major stumbling blocks to women having them, and men having anxiety during sex. Having said that, I believe a loving partner will do everything in their power to stimulate their partner in such a way to make it condusive to having an orgasm. I know it seems like I'm splitting hairs, but I do think there is an important, if subtle difference.

Also, the idea that men last 3-5 minutes is interesting to me. 99 times out of 100, I outlast my wife. She has usually had two or three orgasms, and is exhausted by the time I have mine. I am no sexual marathon star or anything, it just takes me longer than my wife...always has. Also, I am the one that usually likes foreplay and intercourse to last longer than she does, and she is very sexual and very orgasmic. So I don't know if there any set rules when it comes to men and women and sexual behavior...in fact, my wife likes to have her space after sex, and I kind of like to stay close (LOL)...talk about reversed roles.

Peace.

SCott.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:24pm
Yay! A new topic!

I would agree with your opinion, Taoist. IF this is important to a man, then he needs to be willing to make it more possible for his partner by doing what's necessary. BUT I don't think pressure should ever be part of the picture. Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable, and that, to me, means no preconceived notions or ideas about performance. Enjoy it for what it is each time. Free one another from those constraints.

I accept that my DH may last 10 minutes one time and 20 the next. As long as we're both happy at the end of the experience, who cares when and how we each orgasmed?




Edited 6/16/2004 5:32 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:31pm
I agree with you, regarding if a man will last longer (there are ways to improve this area if a man really wants to), a woman has a better chance at having vaginal orgasms. I was older when I had my first vaginal orgasm and have been consistently been having them since. I remember that first time very well, and it was the man's technique and the staying power that allowed me to, I'm sure. I don't know if the 30% of us that can have them have a longer lasting lover than other women, or just happen to be physically or hormonally blessed somehow?? I've wondered about this.

My husband is the way Scott described himself, very long lasting and very willing to get me going in different ways even before intercourse. Having an orgasm before intercourse is a sure way to give me a vaginal orgasm afterward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:33pm
I wasn't talking about it being a "job" to "give their partner an orgasm" or "anxiety" or "stumbling blocks". I was just saying that if men want their woman to orgasm during intercourse it isn't all her responsibility.

Having said that , I'm like you. My DF always orgasms faster than I do.I was amazed at the 3-5 min. number since it takes me 10-15 minutes and sometimes more. Fortunately she has no trouble with having multiples while I'm getting there.

taoist

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:37pm
I think oral stimulation is the best way to get your woman to climax or close to climax and that DOES require a knowledgeable man knowing about sex, his partners' body and what clicks for her. If he pours his concentration into that, he will see big time O results from his woman.

My hubby can very easily bring me to climax through oral stimulation. Same with his fingers. I can climax even easier if he's bangs me with two fingers. Within a couple minutes, I'm climaxing. So with him knowing that, he will first have me climax THEN he does what he needs to do for himself. Sometimes he will begin intercourse right afterwards, other times, he will want to play around some more - or have me play with him.

It doesn't matter if I dont' climax when he is inside me. It feels wonderful and I've already climaxed anyway. If I do climax once again while he's inside me, then great. I've not climaxed AT ALL during some of our lovemaking sessions - where he is inside me only and not playing around so much and I still feel greatly satisfied.

It's not ALL about cuming (for the man, yes) - not ALWAYS for the ladies. At least not for me. It's rare my hubby just "does me" without playing around first though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:40pm
ha-ha, katman - you can live and breathe again! A new sexual topic to argue about!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:47pm
That's funny....I don't see any arguments going on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 8:36pm
I think it's a team effort. It takes a woman who knows what she needs, and a man willing to learn. My DH will try and last longer if that's what I want, but I also think alot of times that he prefers the ease of pleasuring me manually so he doesn't have to do much thrusting for his orgasm. His back has been bothering him lately, so right now that's how it has been going. Not sure I answered your question right though ...

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 8:48pm

< the man wanted his woman to orgasm during intercourse, HE was the one to do something about it>>


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