can sex just be sex?
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can sex just be sex?
| Tue, 08-31-2004 - 3:13am |
So here's the deal...I have a fairly massive crush on a friend. He's interested in me too (he told me so when he'd had a few too many so I know it's true). BUT he has a girlfriend...of course. We talk all the time and are incredibly flirty, but nothing's ever happened - not even a kiss. As you can imagine, the sexual tension just mounts and mounts. It seems inevitable that we are going to sleep together, but can sex for a woman ever be just sex? I am not expecting him to break up with his girlfriend, but I can't say how I'll feel the morning after. Why is it that sex for a guy is just that, but for a woman there are all sorts of emotions attached?

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Alcohol is not a truth serum.
Sex can be just sex, but for the majority of women it isn't. I would think that since you have a crush on him, you are likely to attach some sort of feelings to it. Considering he has a girlfriend, I would bet he doesn't really have feelings for you. Being attracted to you and wanting to have sex with you are not the same as having feelings for you. I guess you just have to decide if:
1. You are OK with having sex with someone's boyfriend.
2. You don't care if it is just sex and nothing more.
Leticia
First of all, alcohol has nothing to do with telling the truth!
"sex is just sex..." for a guy is a bit of a stereotype. Certain people, men or women, have the ability to seperate sex from emotions, but just as many do not. One night stands have NEVER worked for me; always left me feeling uncomfortable, emotionally drained and empty.
My advice to you though would be to encourage this man to make a decision. You may be on the cusp of a nice relationship, but nothing good ever comes from deception on any level. And even though you are not in a relationship with this man's SO, you are still allowing a deception to happen if you have sex with him. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were his gf, and then decide what to do from there.
Good luck.
Scott.
Like that is going to change anything! Lets say it happens, and he immediately dumps his current girlfriend, and now you're his girlfriend. He's just proven two things to you, 1: he has no moral aversion to cheating on his girlfriend, and 2: give the guy some sex, and he'll be in love with you forever, or until the next "massive crush" comes along and offers him sex. Then maybe you can look up the one he dumped for you, and you can compare notes, and discuss how it feels to be dumped by a dirt bag.
Don't worry about why men can do this, and women can do that...what you need to worry about is what's right, and what's wrong, and what you need to do to have some pride in yourself. Messing with a man who's in a relationship doesn't do much for your pride or your self esteem.
Nothing makes me more proud than Mrs. Para choosing to marry me despite all the choices she had out there. The last woman, this was last year, that got too friendly with me was actually sent the other way in tears after I told her, in the most impolite fashion, that she was NOT the one I wanted to have a baby with. Not all men are alike, not even in the sense that sex is just sex. Manly sex to some may be unemotional and unattaching. Others of us are VERY polar opposite.
Having a crush on someone who is already attached and appreciating the return attention is not the bad thing here, in my opinion. Those are emotions that we all went through. Not doing what you can to prevent things from going further than they need to though is what I think leads to the trouble. This includes not going out of your way to avoid contact with him, preventing yourself from getting involved with guys that ARE available to you, and even deliberately making yourself more attractive and conveniently more available just for him.
If you get what YOU want, then what will happen after that? If you've thought about that and you still made up your mind after that already that you've just GOT to have this guy, then thats your choice.
We're always here to listen. Hope the best for you and your friends.
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
Anyways, I do think that sex can be just sex for a girl - I have done it before - but we had both talked about it first and understood that neither one of us were interested in a relationship besides the sex.
You'll feel terrible the morning after. You will have gotten laid and satisfied the hormones but you will have just helped a guy cheat on his g/f and you still won't have him for yourself. Don't kid yourself that you can have sex with this guy without involving your emotions.
thanks again! you really helped
queenie
I disagree with a lot of the replies to your post; however I’m odd in a lot of ways… (lol) I enjoy sex the most I think when it is (just sex) and prefer things not as affectionate. I don’t think love is a must for sex either. I think the ability for (just sex) to work depends on each person’s principles or views on sex, whether it is a man or woman.
I’ve had (just sex) with men before with no issues afterward, things remained the same. But my husband and I ended up married over (just sex); we were just friends at one time...
So I think it is something that should be discussed first.
Do you know his views? Do you know your own views? Find out the answers to both questions or someone could get hurt.
I have something really close to your situation going on right now too. I have recently let things with a good friend go too far, not to sex but way past our normal flirting to say the least. He and I talk openly about our views and what we think sex can and should be. Conversations between us have been getting hotter for a few months now even before I told him about an agreement my husband just said yes to, we are able to (casually) see other people, as long as it is (just sex) and things stay careful and discreet. The next day we decided to have a few drinks and vent a little to each other after work, things got somewhat touchy feely. He does not have an agreement with his girlfriend though. I don’t feel like I have intruded only because he has cheated (just sex) before with others without her knowing. They have the same relationship as me and my dh; they have very different views and needs in the bedroom, but get along well for the most part when it comes to everything else. I know his views, and he knows mine we have been (tell all to) friends for a couple of years now. We will most likely take things further in the future but for now I need time because of problems with my dh. I don’t want to plan things or have anything happen with him out of spite or anger because of my marriage problems. I do want him, and a couple of times since that afternoon we have been a little touchy and it has been hard (sexually speaking) to walk away from him, but I need it to stay (just sex), so I can’t start anything while I’m emotionally frustrated. That would be asking for trouble…
who_reallyknows
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