first time sex - i beg to differ
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| Wed, 09-01-2004 - 4:29am |
I'm a little troubled by some comments I've seen about first-time sex on old threads. People saying that it's not normal to feel pain the first time, and if you do then you're not doing it right somehow (you're not relaxed, you're not aroused, you're not lubricated, etc). I've got to say, I find all these comments a little demeaning. Personally, I had a pretty thick hymen. It wasn't abnormal - my gyn reassured me at the time - but it was pretty thick, and it took a good bit of force to break through the first time.
Hymenal tissue is not flexible, the way vaginal walls are. Your hymen does not expand when you're aroused. Back when I had a hymen, I could stimulated myself to orgasm, and it wouldn't expand in the least. In many women, the hymen is fairly thin and it doesn't take much force to stretch it out, or it's absent altogether, so those women don't experience pain from stretching or tearing their hymen the first time. If that was you - well, lucky you. But don't go telling other women they're abnormal because they're hymen is thicker than yours was. (I mean, when someone complains about her gag reflex during oral sex, you don't tell her it's all in her head just because you yourself don't happen to suffer from a sensitive gag reflex - right?)
In my case, yes, the first time was quite painful. Believe me, I was perfectly well lubricated and aroused. I know my body quite well, thank you, and so did my partner (we'd been in a 2-year relationship at the time and had been engaging in "everything but" for quite a while). It wasn't due to a lack of foreplay. It wasn't due to a lack of trust. It wasn't due to any other vaguely insulting psychological explanations you care to throw at me.
People, when you've got a thick hymen, breaking/stretching it really does HURT!!!
And it's a different sort of pain than you get when you're not lubricated enough. It feels like... well, how to describe it... stick two fingers in your nostril and stretch the opening. Now imagine you had to stretch it out big enough to accommodate a penis. Granted, hymenal tissue is definitely more flexible than nose cartilage, but that's the sort of sensation we're talking about. Is that how it feels when you're just not lubricated enough?
Just my two cents. So many people have pain with first intercourse, and it makes me angry to see women dismissing other women's pain as non-existent or unnatural.
Thanks for indulging me. End of rant. :)

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You've got a point. I'm not that old yet, lol, but I don't recall posts referring to the "hymen" issue as an unpainful event anyway. So it would help a bit if you had a link or two of the one or ones that you saw.
Other than that, you're very right in that many women do suffer pain from it. I think I only remember first time sex pain referring to other issues and not the hymen though when it came to comments on unnatural pain, so your link(s) will refresh the memories. Thanks a bunch! :)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
"if you are relaxed, well lubricated and mentally into having sex, you should not have a lot of pain."
i think one of the CL's actually wrote that. well, maybe we have different definitions of "a lot of pain"!
here's the link to the thread:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlletstalkab&msg=15129.4
So, in your case, you had pain. Too bad, the doctor could have taken care of that so easily. The fact of the matter is that MOST young women don't HAVE hymens by the time they have sex, and maybe NEVER had them. And MOST young women have pain because of lack of arousal and lubrication. I don't reply to many of the "pain" posts, but those that I've read usually mention that it COULD be a hymen, or even vaginismus, and if that's the case, they need to see their gyno.
Besides, what's the point of digging up and rehashing old posts? The next time you see the question asked in a post, reply to that post regarding your experience.
Also, according to the rest of the posts along with the link you provided, it looks like she didn't mention hymen so much because that possibility was already into the message and that her other thoughts were merely other precautions to watch for as well. Can't speak for her, but I know how she posts and thats what makes sense to me anyway.
See ya around. GO VIKINGS!
(Randy Moss fan) ;D
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
I'm the CL you are talking about.
<> I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark, and suggest that this is not actually a "fact". I think the use of the word "most" is incorrect and the word that should be used is "some".
<> There are many people that happen across these boards besides the handfull that post on them. These people are looking for information and advice. They will often look back into old posts to find the topic that they are concerned about. So, for the sake of people who come to this board to get information and insight into their concerns, the point is to mitigate bad information and poor advice.
I never thought I would say this, but I actually feel that some people are not using "JMHO" or "IMO" enough to qualify their statements. It does have the effect of lessening the patronizing tone of some posts. JMHO
-phat
<> I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark, and suggest that this is not actually a "fact". I think the use of the word "most" is incorrect and the word that should be used is "some". =====
I'm going to have to go with Phat onthis one. The whole DR helping her out thing I found totally bizarre. Why would a DR mess with an intact hymen? What DR would even agree to break the hymen for you? I would also like a link to see the claim that most women don't even have a hymen and or never had one. That's a new one on me, and I would like to be well informed if it is truly correct.
Leticia
Leticia
what is with this "MOST" business anyway?
"The fact of the matter is that MOST young women don't HAVE hymens by the time they have sex, and maybe NEVER had them. And MOST young women have pain because of lack of arousal and lubrication."
did you conduct a poll? if so, i'd love to see it. seriously, i would - not being sarcastic. your statement goes against what doctors have told me. i'm sure this isn't what you intended, but no one likes to be told they're "abnormal" and that's the implication to anyone reading along who did or does have an intact hymen.
anyway, clearly i've violated some unwritten rule of etiquette by rehashing old posts. i apologize. i just thought a lot of people with questions read through old posts, rather than posting a question themselves. i didn't see my point of view represented in old posts, so i thought i would contribute it to the discussion.
C-section compared to natural childbirth, I'll take natural childbirth anytime!
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