My preference
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My preference
| Thu, 09-02-2004 - 11:04am |
Don't know if you remember me, but I'm the one who is obsessed with large size men and who is married to a man who isn't. I have been trying very hard to overcome my obsession for the sake of my husband's feelings, but it hasn't been easy. The facts are: I have a strong preference and there's nothing I(nor my husband) can do to satisfy it. That I have to live my life without ever actually seeing, feeling, tasting or touching a large penis. I get so turned on by a large ones - they are absolutely delicious in every aspect. I wish that I could make this preference vanish, because it would make life so much easier. I feel short(pun not intended)-changed. Just venting. **sigh**

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What you are experiencing is what everyone on some level experiences. We all have desires, things that for whatever reason that we want. Most of the time it isn't logical, nor does it need to be. The reason that you cannot let go of this desire is because you are attached to it. What I mean by this is that you empower a particular desire by judging the desire; a judgment is not necessarily a negative judgment, it simply is a view of this desire you have as good or as bad. When we attach a label to it: this is bad that I feel this way, or this is good that I feel this way, we are making a judgment. Simply look at your desire to experience a larger penis as that...a desire...not good, not bad just make it okay to feel the desire. This desire is no different than the desire that some men have for really large breasts. The difference is that most men don't become attached to the idea, because the don't judge it...in fact,they look at it as a normal attraction. DOesn't mean that they need to act on it, nor does it mean that they don't desire their wives...it simply 'is'. Just let your desire be okay and all will be well. The reality is bigger isn't really better, it just flags something in your unconscious mind. Men that really enjoy large breasts unconsciously relate them to the feminine due to their earliest memories of love and nurturing...or they weren't breast fed and some small child in their mind craves that. A women that craves a large penis, may have seen their fathers' penis as a child and unconsciously they relate that to being extremely masculine (to a child an adult penis looks huge because a child is so small); at the time it has nothing to do with sex, it just is an association that our young minds make (this is also one of the reasons that men associate virility and being masculine with a large penis). Our parents are our archetypal male/female models, so this is all completely human and normal.
I'm sure you've heard this before, but if you masturrbate or use toys in your sex play, buy a big dildo. If your husband is open to it use it together during your lovemaking, and thay me be satisfying for you. After all, sex happens most profoundly in the mind, not really in the body...that's just where it ends up. If you make it okay with yourself that you have this desire, it will lose its' power or will completely vanish. However, if you make the desire taboo...a secret, it will bother you and may even eventually ruin your marriage.
Lastly, focus on what is good about your husbands penis, and good about your sex life, instead of what you would rather have.
THis stuff is SO normal...don't judge yourself harshly for it.
Peace.
Scott.
You married your husband, despite his "short-comings". If you love him, as opposed to NOT loving his penis.....if he's a good man and a good husband.....would you trade him for a bum with a big penis?
Stop thinking about what you DON'T have, and look around you at people who have lousy marriages, or have REAL problems like health or financial problems. In other words, be grateful for what you have, and stop worrying or thinking about what you DON'T have.
I did let it be, and it still infiltrates my life. I read all about "forbidden thought" and understand how you react to the thoughts are what count.
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For me, bigger is better. I've encountered them before.
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I don't view my desire as taboo, except when it applies to my husband. I incorporate all of the above(but don't bring my dildo to bed), but it's still not the REAL THING. It hasn't lost it's power.
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I do, but the wanting, yearning still won't go away and he's aware of it. I'm sure he would feel compelled to fullfill my preference if he could; but he can't. How can I do this to the man I love?
I can't help but judge myself because my desires affect him.
You're probably right. Every time he gets wind that my preference is surfacing, it hurts him because he can't provide for it. I'm selfish, and I hate myself for it. I've made immense progress, and will keep on trying.
Leticia
-phat
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That is the Taboo, the attachment I was talking about. If you cannot stop punishing yourself, hating yourself, judging yourself you can not be free of this...ever. In fact, you cannot be free of anything. Self-hatred is the reason that you need to talk to a professional. This really has nothing to do with the size of a penis, it has to do with the fact that you can't accept yourself the way you are. Go back and read all of your posts and count how many times you bashed yourself for having a desire. If you won't allow yourself to see this you might as well leave him for someone with a larger penis...but the Universe has a way of teaching us certain lessons and the issue in another form will come up again and again and again until you are able to see the root of it. At least entertain the idea that this may not have anything to do with wanting a larger penis. Every issue that we have that is deep and emotional is NEVER about something outside of ourselves...never.
Obsession is our ego's way of misdirecting us from our true self. It is the way the mind keeps itself from pointing the finger back at itself.
Good luck.
Scott.
This obsession is very simply about something I have experienced and can no longer have. I have acknowledged it, accept it, and have dealt with it. I just want it to change.
Yes he knows. I want communication to remain open.
Divorce him? No. Would you give the same advice to a man who loved and adored his wife who had small breasts but also loved big breasts?
Have you considered asking him to use a large dildo on you?
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martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!
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