2nd time trying to post. NEED HELP ASAP

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
2nd time trying to post. NEED HELP ASAP
5
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 10:59pm
Hello,

I am sure that I posted some time today but it isnt showing up. well anyway i need help with suggestions as to how or what I tell my bf (who i love very much and care for deeply) that our sex isnt great...He knows it. I think it is because

1. he had a super conservative ex girlfriend who didnt like to try new things (which made him scared to try new things too)

2. he doesnt have the best technique (i've been with a lot of guys who know what they were doing, maybe i'm spoiled but i need him to get better).

3. i care about us a lot and i feel that having amazing sex is very important.

My ex and i went out for 6 years and our sex was amazing. I just want it to be amazing too. Everytime my new bf and I attempt, i get excited thinking, OKAY THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT... but it is not.

How do i tell him that his technique isnt satisfying me and not letting me go (reach orgasm).

BP

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 12:31am
Just my view as a husband who isn't very perfect himself...

I don't really know if there IS a right way to tell him your feelings on this, but I do think there is such a thing as telling him the way. Different things work for different couples and individuals.

Using terms like "...this would help me more..." are obviously going to be better than terms such as "you this..." or "you that..." when trying to share ideas for him to better please you. What really helped me be better for my wife was visual guides as well, such as either reading or video guides like the Kama Sutra one hosted by Dr. Patti. Perhaps if you two did so together, it may be more comfortable for him.

I think introducing new ideas and guides would be a great way to let him know you need more, especially since it clearly identifies WHAT you need and HOW you need it without putting him under "incriminating" spotlight. Its always going to be a matter of what your communication together is like.

If he is unwilling to change and become better for you, then you may need to consider counseling. Being direct is not a bad option in my opinion, but so long as you stress ideas that you have that would really help you enjoy as opposed to pointing out that he is failing, period. Hope that makes sense.

Please let us all know if anything you find helps at all. If you have more info to provide that you think will help you get better advice, thats why we're here for each other. Good luck!

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 12:42am
I thought para/s advice was really good.

When you say "technigue", do you mean intercourse? What don't you like pace? Rythm? depth? vigor? Just wondering.

-phat

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 12:44am
The reason you can't find your post here is because it's on another board..Sexual Pleasure, Orgasms & More.

It's called "communication" which is being able to discuss ANYTHING, and if you can't discuss sex, then there's a problem.

The point is NOT to "tell" him he's not satisfying you, it's to tell him what you'd like him to do for you. Haven't you ever asked HIM what he'd like you to do? That should be an important part of a relationship. Is he even aware that you're not having orgasms? Does he know what an orgasm is, and how to help you have one? Men aren't born knowing this stuff, someone has to teach them about it. Don't worry about his ex-girlfriend, and how conservative she was..... maybe she was like you, and HE'S the one who's conservative. You also mentioned in your other post that he sometimes loses his erection halfway thru. You say he knows he's not pleasing you, and of course he's nervous, and putting pressure on himself, which will cause a guy to lose it. If he KNOWS he's not pleasing you, you can't expect him to know what you want unless you tell him.

Bottom line, if you can't tell him in a nice way what you'd like him to do, then one of you has a problem. Have him check out www.the-clitoris.com and look at it with him. TALK about it.

I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but latin men don't have lovemaking locked up, and New England men can be wonderful lovers. It has nothing to do with nationality or where someone is raised.....it has to do with education and knowledge and the desire to please.


Edited 9/5/2004 12:49 am ET ET by greenteabag

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 9:41am
Your post is on the Sexual Pleasures board.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 11:21am
IMO, You 2 need to sit down and talk this problem out.

Take him by the hand and go research books at B.Dalton, Borders, Waldenbooks about sex techniques. Explain that YOU LIKE HIM; you want him to be a better sexual LOVER.

Mac