My wife doesnt care about sex
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My wife doesnt care about sex
| Sun, 09-12-2004 - 7:33am |
We have been married for 40 years and have 4 married children and 7 grandchildren. My wife has never been one for talking about sex or emotions. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually seen her naked and she uses the excuse that she is too fat to show her body to me. When we do make love it is allways with the light out and the curtains securely drawn closed, not that we make love more then once every month at the minimum. I bought a vibrator many years ago to try and enhance our love making and it is still hidden away, unopened and unused. When we do make love it is in the missionary position and she does nothing but lie there, she always has a minimum of 2 orgasms as I love foreplay and oral. She never has used oral on me, she never wears anything sexy, never has done in the whole 40 years except for one occasion when she wore a thong in bed, with the light out of course. She thinks everything connected with sex is dirty, she even switches channels on TV if anything sexy comes on. I have tried talking about our situation, suggested we seek professional help but she gets angry and tells me sex is the only thing on my mind. Right now I have passed 6 weeks without touching her in any way, we have not had sex in all this time and she doesn't seem to be bothered in the least.
I love my wife dearly, I have no ambition to go looking for sex outside of my marriage infact I have never ever had sex with another woman in my whole lifetime. What can I do to at least persuade her to talk about it. I would love to use sex toys, would love her to take charge now and again, love her to make the first move towards sex. (I prefer the phrase Love Making rather than sex)as it sexual love I need from her and not just sex.
I love my wife dearly, I have no ambition to go looking for sex outside of my marriage infact I have never ever had sex with another woman in my whole lifetime. What can I do to at least persuade her to talk about it. I would love to use sex toys, would love her to take charge now and again, love her to make the first move towards sex. (I prefer the phrase Love Making rather than sex)as it sexual love I need from her and not just sex.
I need help.

Most of us, once we matured, we realized that a lot of that was just "propoganda" to keep us from being "bad girls". I remember my ex husband approaching me about giving him oral sex, and I was highly insulted!
Your wife has been missing out on a lot of pleasure all these years, and now, possibly you can add to that hormonal imbalances as the result of menopause. Does she have regular medical checkups? If she doesn't, she should.
There's not much you can do after all these years to make her change her way of thinking, and you can't force her to talk about it. But you might want to talk to her, and tell her how you feel. Tell her it makes you feel unloved, and unwanted. Tell her you need the closeness and intimacy.....and ask her if she would be willing to get some marriage counselling. The problem is, she doesn't SEE it as a "problem", and it's hard to get someone to get help when they don't understand a problem exists. The only way I can see her being willing is if she understands how unhappy YOU are.
I applaud you for not wanting to look elsewhere, but short of that, or actually leaving her, I don't know what else you can do. Talk to her. Whether she wants to talk to you is something you can't control, but you can talk to her. Good Luck.