husband wants 3some
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husband wants 3some
| Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:12pm |
hi, i am new to this board. i have been married for almost 7 years and my husband is overseas. recently he emailed me and told me that he had a dream that i surprised him by bringing in another woman. we discussed it and i told him that i was glad that it was a dream and not a request for a 3some. recently he sent me an email wanting to know if we could try what he had dreamed about. i was shocked by his request and i felt sick to my stomach. we went back and forth and he was explaining that he felt that this would help us in our marriage and that we needed to try it. it would relieve some tension between us physically and mentally. i am so confused by this because this is the first time he has approached me with this. considering that he has cheated on me and how that has been a difficult journey and still is(this woman ended up getting pregnant and having his child) since he claims that he deals with the guilt daily that he cheated. now he comes and asks me this. he claims that she would only be there to touch and she wouldn't do anything to me. this was after i told him that i wasn't bisexual and had no desire to be with another woman. we would have sex and she would just be there to help us along. i don't know. i explained to him that i feel like he is cheating on me without the secrecy. he thinks that i think he's trying to make a fool of me. any thoughts or suggestions. has anyone else been through this?

(I know that for some married couples having 3somes is something that both wife and husband enjoy, and I respect people's right to do that.)
But in your situation, you aren't interested in a 3some. He should let it go. What if you asked him to have a 3some with another male, would he okay with that?
Anyway, I would tell him that this is a no-no and you will never do it. Don't do it just to please him, don't do it b/c you think he will go cheat if you don't.
So, you told him you aren't interested in doing things w/ a woman - so he said that she won't have to touch you - what would happen then? You would watch as some woman sckd his d$ck or had sex with him??? That's just him being unfaithful with you in the room.
I can't believe he would ask that of you esp. since he is overseas and you aren't even in person to talk about this.
I have to tell you that after you take a man back after he has cheated - his view of you changes. He is probably thinking that you will allow him to do whatever he wants b/c you forgave him before so you will again.
VERY difficult problem you have. Your situation is not something my marriage has been through, but it IS something that has been posted here numerous times.
Personal thoughts from me AND my wife are that you committed to your marriage as man and woman...ONLY...just as you've done. His vows did NOT include another woman. I'd not hesitate to let him know how "hurt" you are that his gesture is indicating you alone are not enough for him. May be good advice for some couples and bad for others, so you have to decide for situation.
If he's just GOT to have his way on this, then counseling is the only thing I can think of that will save your marriage, cause you are very clearly in the right regarding this, even according to the 'witnessed' vows! No real advice on how to handle this, your way of communicating is only something you know enough about. At least you have some personal thoughts to go on though. Really hope things get better for you. Try this board too, k?:
Secrets of Married Sex
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlsecretsofm
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
having a threesome will NOT help your relationship.
it will only ruin it.
if you are uncomfortable with the idea then he shouldnt force the issue.
just keep saying no, and hopefully your husband will get the picture.
if not then look up threesome reprocussions and send them to him.
i know my husband also wants a threesome but he respects my decsion, the thought totally disgusts me. and i KNOW in my heart it would destroy any trust i have in him...i have seen too many of my friends relationships get ruined by having a threesome.
please hun, stand your ground. if you dont want to do that then he will just have to deal with that and either keep it as a fantasy or just drop the subject completely.
i know i am only 25 but those kinds of things have a reputation in ruining relationships.
i also suggest looking at Cosmo's website. i know in one of their magazines they did a article about this topic.
if you need any other help or have anymore questions just ask! =)
~April~
Welcome to the board Shyone.