Thought Threesome would be fun...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Thought Threesome would be fun...
19
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 11:07am
Hi everyone-

I'm new here, and I'm just looking to find some people that might have the same experience I've had.

Last night my bf and I invited a friend (F) into our bedroom. We've been together for 3 years, great communication, very healthy relationship, and this is something we've been toying with for a while now.

Last night everything was fine, I was the center of attention, and everything was fun until I (in an effort to make sure our F friend was having fun) said to my bf that penetration was ok. This was something I'd said I wouldn't be comfortable with right beforehand, but for some reason took back (?)

Well, I saw my bf inside my friend and FREAKED. I told them we had to stop, I couldn't go on, and they both seemed to understand. We parted ways and my bf comforted me telling me he's with me, he doesn't want anyone else, I have nothing to worry about, etc. But for some reason I'm still in horrible shape today :( I don't know if I'm jealous or what, but for some reason when I saw him inside her I just snapped.

Has anyone been through this? Anyone have any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 11:41am

We've never engaged in a threesome so can't help you from experience.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 12:15pm

That's good advice Tish.


I know a

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martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 12:23pm
Thanks for your reply, that actually was very helpful even though you've never done it. I wish I would have stuck to my guns as far as what I was/wasn't ok with and everything probably would have been better. You're right that in the heat of things it seems like a good idea, until you realize why it was off-limits in the first place.

I think you might be right about the learning experience part too. I don't think I ever want to do it again - it seemed like a fun, spontaneous thing to do and that's the only reason I can think of that we did it. It seems like a very insignificant thing to risk such a great relationship over, though. We tried it once, it didn't work out, I don't think we'll try it again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 12:36pm
I have not had a three some but I understand the your issues. Your situation is a lot better than one a guy posted a while back on the taboo board. He and his wife had wanted a three some and took a male friend to a vacation cabin for the week end. He had the same reaction to his wife being penetrated that you did with your boyfriend. His wife just kept on having sex and saying how much she wanted this guy and how much more he satisfied her than her husband. They just went on having sex when he told them that he was unhappy with the situation. They basicly had sex for three hours that night and then again in the morning. The wife said she was just doing what she thought he wanted (big question) and he was left virtually distroyed by the experience. I doubt their marriage survived the experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 12:59pm
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Edited 8/26/2008 6:00 pm ET by inacolada
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 1:22pm
Oh wow, that's brutal! I can't imagine how horrible that would be, I'm so lucky that my BF is so supportive! It's tough enough when things are stable and your significant other is actually sensitive to you.

How sad. Poor guy!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 3:02pm
I was through that many years ago.

I'm curious what emotions you felt?

Did you think your BF would compare her to you, or get attached to her? What was it about his penetration of your friend that freaked you? He was receiving pleasure from her, or she was receiving pleasure from him, or that he could complete inside her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 9:49am
I've been thinking about that too, trying to figure out exactly what it is that bothered me. I think what bothered me the most was knowing that he was enjoying it so much and that he wasn't thinking about me at the time. The part that bothered me the most is that he was doing little things that I thought were 'ours' to her, and that's when I really got upset.

I'm not worried that he'll leave me for her, I know that won't happen. I guess that, after the fact, I'm worried that I'll be compared to her and she'll win out. She's a very pretty girl (the girl in our friend group that turns heads when we go out to bars) so I guess I feel a little like an ugly duckling around her anyway. Maybe that's it(?)

Just out of curiosity, how did your situation end?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 10:26am
That's exactly why I've always said I would never have a threesome. I know without even having to experience it that I would be jealous. Seeing DH do those little things, watching him stroke her here or there, or do that little thing he always does to the side of my neck. or make that funny little face he always shows me when we're having sex and he's on top, faces close....that's what I wouldn't like, never mind watching him actually have sex with someone else.

I couldn't do it and I already know it, I'm just not made that way. I'm sure DH still harbors a faint hope that I will change my mind (like most guys, lol) but I won't. I can't.

I'm glad for your sake that they stopped immediately. One of our old CLs was in a similar situation but her BF and the other girl didn't stop, didn't even slow down when she finally ran out of the room. That was really hard for her. Sounds like your guy is very conscientious of your feelings which is good. Chalk it up to a learning experience, I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 1:37pm
I agree with many others, and really liked what Tally just said too.

The reason wifey and I got married was because we really wanted each other and NO ONE ELSE, obviously that means no threesomes as well. We are exclusive, and it will stay that way. I'm never going to understand the excitement of it all no matter how many times its explained to me.

NOTE: I am not "bashing" those who enjoy it. There are TONS of relationships and even marriages out there who actually do successfully enjoy it, and those relationships, even open ones, actually DO have very strong relationships as well. Its just not for me.

Only thing I got out of any explanation was that one partner was just thrilled about the other being pleased, no matter who did the pleasing. Again, I'm not here to judge it, but this is what I've heard and am STILL amazed at that kind of selflessness...WOW! LOL!!

I just happen to be in the type of relationship that involves being the only ones allowed to please . I myself am special to the point that her pleasure in this fashion will come from ONLY, and vice versa of course, so that type of mentality really makes it that much more difficult for us to accurately comprehend the other point of view on it I suppose.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

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