Is it wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Is it wrong?
10
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 9:23pm
I have a friend (yes, he really is a friend, its not me!!) who wants deperately to stay faithful to his wife. He also has a sex addiction. When we were in college he was known as a "male whore". But when we grew up he realized it was something more...a true sex addicition. He got married a year ago and has not cheated but told me he can feel the urge to have sex with another woman growing everyday. Like an alchoholic needing a drink I guess. So I suggested he go to a professional so he can have the sex without the pitfalls of having a real affair. What does everyone think about my advice. I know he needs help and the ideal is to not have sex with anyone other than his wife. But this is real life and the "ideal" just doesn't happen all the time. I feel using a pro would be the least destructive to his life assuming his wife never finds out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: bubba871
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:11pm
I agree he needs to visit a professional ... therapist or counselor or someone who can help him and his wife deal with his addiction.


Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: bubba871
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 11:12pm
Savcal hit it right on the button, bubba.

A professional "escort" for example does NOT get rid of his urge, that only the urge. If you REALLY want to help this friend, DON'T encourage the idea of this urge by going to someone else for it.

Those two need professional counseling to help them satisfy the urge . What happened to THAT idea? Why wasn't THAT idea realistic? They ARE married, if I read that right.

Either this addiction is one that requires the mere from different partners, or it is TRULY a sexual addiction on its own. If the marriage isn't satisfying enough, then there's specific counseling designed to help in those matters. If its something else, then again, professional mental help should identify and help with whatever the issue is. Feeding the fire through someone else is NOT the answer...

...ESPECIALLY a pro who could make it next to impossible to become satisfied ever again with the sex thats suppose to be in the marriage. Just my thoughts, nothing more.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: bubba871
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 11:32pm
Really bad advice. If your friend was an alcoholic, (just another kind of addiction) would you advise him to hide in a closet to drink? As Wendy said, if he truly wants to take care of his problem, he DOES need a professional, a professional counsellor, to deal with his addiction.

Whether it's with an amateur, or a professional, it's still cheating, and how will that help his marriage? Refer him to a counselling service, not a hooker.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: bubba871
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 11:39pm

<>


Masturbating doesn't work with these sexual needs? Also I gotta ask, why would he

  

   who_reallyknows

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: bubba871
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 7:20am

He needs a professional, but not in the form of a hooker.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bubba871
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 8:56am
What kind of a friend are you to give such terrible advice? His wife should know that he is having a problem in being faithful. If he takes YOUR advice, his wife will be subjectedto all kinds of STD's. He need to confess his problem to his wife so she can also be part of the solution, which would include divorcing him if he doesn't get real help or if he follows your advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: bubba871
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 10:04am
I agree with everyone. I would not tell an alcoholic to take a drink so that was a bad example. I was looking at it from the perspective that if he is going to cheat, I felt it is better with a pro than to start up an affair with his secretary or a co-worker where people fall in love and it gets very complicated. I already told him to go to a counseler so that is done.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
In reply to: bubba871
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:20am
Hi Bubba,

You have probably already gotten this advice (I didn't read the responses yet). But if he is addicted, sending him to a "pro" is just a fix. What he really needs is help. All addictions, whether to drugs, booze or sex are just escape techniques for people that are really unhappy. He should see a professional, but not a prostitute, he needs to see a counselor.

Peace.

SCott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: bubba871
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:21pm

<>


That actually makes sense to me (that in its self makes me question it even

  

   who_reallyknows

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: bubba871
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:51am
Yes, that is totally wrong! If anything, that's not helping the problem, that is worsening it! It's just a temporary solution to an ongoing problem, a bandaid. Going behind his wife's back is the worst thing he can do in this situation, and it will not help him at all. He'll lose her for being dishonest. He needs to go to her and deal with the problem with her... and get to the root of the problem. ~Sabrina