Does sex define who you are?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Does sex define who you are?
28
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 9:20am
Does sex, define who you are as a person? Let's for a minute pretend that there are not any STD's(wishful thinking) so as not to cloud the issue. In another post someone mentioned that nice-guys are not whores. I personally don't ever ask a person about their sexual history, or really care to know for that matter. It's not a criteria that I judge a person's character by. If you're a great person, I'd never know if you were a whore or not. Do you ask and thereafter judge someone based on their sexual past?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 9:57am
First you'd have to define the word "whore", which I'm sure means different things to different people. Someone who's had 3 partners? Someone who's had 30 partners?

As far as sexual history is concerned, if you take STD's out of the picture......who cares? Past life experience, sexual or otherwise, makes you what you are today, and today is all that counts. The past can't be changed. No one knows what the future will bring.

Insecure people get hung up on a partner's past relationships because they're afraid of being compared. Secure people don't care, and if they're smart, don't ask.

If someone defines themselves or others solely on past sexual experience, they have a very limited frame of reference, and place too much value on sex. There's a lot more to life than sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 10:15am

I don't judge by their past sexual experience.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 11:57am
Does sex, define who you are as a person?

I'm not a woman, I'm a guy. You bet sex defines a person. A guy's sex organs hang outside the body. Sex to a guy is going inside another person. It's an external act. Since most women don't give it away and talk can be so cheap, when a woman accepts a guy inside it's a big deal. It's an acceptance of the guy as a whole. Women can find sex anywhere, but it's much harder for guys. The more sex a guy has equates to he must be a cool and attractive person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 12:11pm
Thank you for your response, but I wasn't asking about how others perceive you by the amount of sex you have, I was asking whether or not YOU feel that sex affects your personality. Let's say you're a funny person, does having sex change that? How about compassionate, sociable, gracious, or anything that you are now; has sex changed any of those things?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:44pm
Sorry for the confusion. Having sex with a number of partners is a very BIG ego and confidence builder, which of course affects one's personality. Having had sex with a lot of women in the past helped with success in business and happiness in my personal life. I am where I am because of vagina's. LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 2:01pm

I guess instead of the old saying that goes "Behind every successful man is a woman",


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 2:04pm
A little bit of their sexual past/history does affect how I look at that person, yes. But only because I like experienced men. If they are very cool to hang out with and we have great conversation chemistry that helps lessen the dissapointment if they're not quite as skilled in the bedroom. You can peg people pretty well about "where they're at" in life in knowing a little about their sexual history. For instance and I apply this to men mainly:

If they've been married for years and years and years and now going through a divorce --- safe bet to say they want to get out and explore and will be pretty selfish about their lives and time. If they are shy and reserved and have not had many experiences, safe bet that they have tons of porn laying around or in their computer history --- no matter HOW nice and sweet they are, lol and are also very horny, but may not know how to use their tools. Lots of sexual partners is a cautionary: "Player" flag. Not always though. Just a few examples I've noticed over the years.

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anonymous user
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 4:29pm
Life,I think "recent" sexual history is important to some people. Honestly, if you met a guy, and you liked him, and his friend told you... or maybe it just came up in conversation that he had been with 30 women in the past year, Would that be a red flag in your opinion ? It would be a red flag in mine. Why you might ask? In many people, patterns of behavior are an insight to whats really going on in a persons mind. Does his (her) ego need to be stroked that much!? How insecure is this person? Is this person so used to having sex with a large variety of people that they just might have a problem adjusting to only one sex partner. (will he (she) be more prone to be a cheater because they put such little importance in the value of sex?)

Im thinking that college cant really count in this equation..it isnt real life..lol What happens in college stays in college.

To have the urge to have sex with many partners is what makes us male..To keep our sex exclusively for the person who loves us with all their heart is what makes us a man...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 5:00pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 5:32pm
I ask, not because of any insecurites or anything of that sort, I just want to know how many people he has had unprotected sex with. Now, this is a health question, not to judge his character at all. I don't have unprotected sex with ANY one before 1) we have been together for a while 2) they have got tested...it's just something that I do, rather be safe than sorry. I was with my ex for 3 years and before I went on the pill, I asked him to get tested and he had no problems with that (even tho he had never had unprotected sex with anyone)...

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