Why would a good guy marry a bad girl?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Why would a good guy marry a bad girl?
26
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 7:07pm
If you are a good guy (virgin or very few sex partners) how can you avoid getting connected to a bad girl (lot of sex partners)? It is unlikely that she will tell the truth about what she has done in the past, and since the past is our best predictor of the future, how do you avoid women who are likely to stray?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 7:36pm

First off ... while past behavior can be a predictor of future behavior, there are a lot of maturity changes that happen in the 20s and 30s that can make past behavior completely unrelated to future behavior.


Secondly ... having lots of sex partners does not necessarily mean "straying". Straying implies cheating. And it is very possible to have lots of sex partners without having cheated or betrayed.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 8:03pm

As Savcal said, the past is not always a predictor of the future and a lot of it depends on age and majority.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 11:31pm
There are many issues in life where the past can predict future behavior. Addiction, dishonesty, laziness, etc. But, I think you're way off base with the sexual issue. If anything, a woman (or man) who has sown their proverbial "oats" is LESS likely to stray, they've been there, done that.

Find yourself a virgin, who's never had any experience, if you're not a good lover, if you leave her unfulfilled, or frustrated.......she's inexperienced, she doesn't know what to ask for, but she knows it's not happening.....and she's more likely to go looking elsewhere than a woman who knows what she wants, and knows how to ask for it.

Someone's sexual past is no way an indicator of future faithfulness. You want a partner that's faithful, then make sure you don't give her any reason to be UNfaithful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 1:26am
<<>>

I don't think that the H is the reason the wandering wife is unfaithful. I know a number of them that no matter who they are married to one man is just not enough for them. They like sex from a number of different people for the change, charge, and the fact that it is exciting. Having sex with the same guy all the time is just not what they want but for some reason they want to get married. The guy gets all excited, builds a new house etc. and pretty soon the wife is in bed with another man. They just like to have sex with a lot of different people. One married a guy just to get him to pay for her new boob job before moving on to her next guy.


Edited 9/23/2004 1:29 am ET ET by txguy2004

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 1:36am
There are certainly women (and men) like that, but they are not in the majority. They are only a very small percentage. If you unfortunately run into a woman like that, hopefully you'd know her proclivites BEFORE you marry her. That's what dating and getting to know each other is all about.

There are no guarantees in life, and if you're looking for one, you're not going to find it. And again, it's just as likely that a virgin will get the urge as someone who's had sexual experience.

Don't you know anyone who's happily married, and doesn't cheat on their spouse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 1:58am
<<>

I know happly married people but I don't know any guys that married women that were sexually active with a lot of people before marriage who's marriage lasted. About the 7 to 10 year area was as long as they could be good then they had to party, hit the clubs, have a lot more sex pardners and then remarry in about 3 to 4 years. I am sure there are some that don't behave this way but I don't know any.


Edited 9/23/2004 4:03 am ET ET by txguy2004

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 7:17am
Sorry that has been your experience, but as a woman I KNOW how many sexual partners most of my friends have had, and some have had many. They've been married for years and have never cheated, never wanted to cheat, and think that having sex with one man you love cannot be compared to casual sex with many different partners. If you lurk the boards enough, you'll see that both men and women will answer this question similarly. "If you had the choice to live your life having as much sex as you wanted, with as many different partners as you wanted without love, or sex with one person you're in love with, what would you choose? Everyone chose the latter. Even those who have had lots of casual sex.

There was a post here not too long ago asking people to list how many sexual partners they've had. Some of the posters are regulars here, and possibly some still lurk. Some who responded are married and/or in LTR's, and some listed their SO's numbers. Some had very high numbers. Why not ask if their or their SO's sexual history makes them want to cheat or if they are satisfied with one partner? You couid also create a new thread asking those who have cheated to reveal their sexual past.

Forgot the link:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlletstalkab&msg=15191.1








Edited 9/23/2004 7:20 am ET ET by life_is_but_a_dream

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anonymous user
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 9:04am
life, you are both right and wrong. I will totally agree what a person did back in college or around college age was done when they were still young and immature. Many people can leave that time and behavior in their past and be committed ,loving, and faithful spouse. On the other hand, The divorce rate is over 50%.I read one study where it talked about promisucus behavior in divorced women. Those who were promisucus before marriage were more likely to cheat than others. The study sited that they were "searching" for something while sleeping around..it was deeper than just wanting lots of sex while they were unattatched.

They liked the way they felt while sleeping around when they were younger, and when intimacy was lost in the marriage, they reverted back to old behaviors still "searching." The problem is they wont find what they are looking for in the next bed.

Somewhere along the line we have lost just how special the sex act is supposed to be, almost like it has been cheapened. Kind of like a handshake with an orgasm.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 9:37am
Maybe part of your problem is the fact that you know too many people that have had marriages that don't last. And, back to my original statement......if these women were happy at home, they wouldn't find the need to go looking elsewhere. I'm not denying that there are some women who cheat, but if a woman doesn't cheat for 10 years, why would she start then, unless something was missing at home? Getting married isn't the end of the story, it's only the beginning. It takes work on both parts to make a marriage work, not only sexually, either. You didn't live with these women, and you don't know why they suddenly decided that they had to go out to clubs, etc. More than likely, if you talked to their husbands, they would say "I don't know why she did that, I gave her all the sex she wanted!" Maybe they didn't have a clue that women need more than "sex on demand" to make them happy. Maybe they ignored her OUT of the bedroom. Maybe the "sex" they were giving was selfish and unfulfilling. Don't presume to know what goes on inside someone elses home, because you never will. You will only know what they CHOOSE to tell you.

Also, what about the men in these same situations? Most men are more sexually active than most women when they're single. Does the same thing apply? If men were promiscuous when they were single, does that mean they'll cheat after they get married? I was married for 20 years to a man who was a virgin, as I was. He cheated for most of the 20 years, I never did, and never had the desire to cheat. He didn't cheat because he wasn't happy at home, he was, and he said so when he begged me not to divorce him. He cheated because he had an emotional inability to be satisfied with anything, or anyone. He married again, and he cheated again....and SHE divorced him.

Humpdaddy says that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Who says that everyone in that 50% got divorced because of cheating? And what about the 50% that do NOT end in divorce?

If you find a good woman (and don't confuse "good" with prior sexual activity)and you make her happy, she won't cheat on you. If she makes you happy, you won't cheat on her, either. Unless one or the other of you has the pyschological need to look elsewhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 9:42am

I have my ideas on why the divorce rate is so high.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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